Jump to content

Ironworker

Anti social male gamers?

Recommended Posts

Perhaps some of you ladies could use Spike's crash-course on How To Frighten Away Men 101 and Spike's advanced course, Non-Flattering Attire 102

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well this is an interesting converstation anyway. I'm amazed at how forgiving people are of pretty people and drunks but still insist that gamer geeks are so bad. I think it's basically that these guys are for the most part unattractive and perhaps a bit socially stunted. That's the biggest fault from what people are saying.

 

The unattractiveness is nothing they can help but people are petty so I guess that counts against them. The socially stunted may be their fault but in some cases of some of them may have real problems. If they retreat into the fantasy world to deal with them what makes that worse than people who drink to deal with the same issues?

 

Their also geeks and neards which I would think wouldn't count against them in this crowd. After all everyone here is nothing more than an adult who is still playing games with little tin soldiers. Persent company included. Perhaps some of you have social problems yourselves. Certainly there seems to be a serious lack of compassion which I think it more than a bit inhuman.

 

I've really got nothing more to say on this topic. I'm sure some of you are convinced that your better geeks than these poor slobs but I think a snobby geek is just about the most unappealing geek to be around.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been told by many that I'm too nice, too. After my upbringing, it's very difficult for me to be anything bordering on rude to anyone. But, I am happy to report that my inner b@#ch and I have had some rather meaningful conversations the last several years, and while she doesn't get to come right out, she's there to back me up when I need it. If I have one of those guys who just doesn't want to accept that I'm married and *not interested,* I tell him very nicely at first. Then more firmly. If he persists, I usually just walk away. If I can't, then I look him in the eye, no smile, and very pointedly tell him "I am married. I am not interested. Leave me alone." That usually works. It helps that I'm built like an amazon too...

 

At my FLGS, which I only got to visit on Sundays, I was told by a friend that I apparently had quite the fan base... I had no clue. But my husband helped out there a few times a week (it was owned by a close friend), and everyone knew him, and knew that we were very solid. So I could come in and talk to everyone, with none of them getting creepy on me. It was very nice.

 

And no, chivalry and chauvinism are not the same things. Chauvinism stems from thinking women are inferior, chivalry stems from respect.

When I left my home for college, I became extremely independent. I would not let men do "chivalrous" things for me if I could help it, despite being raised to expect it. Backlash from being a very repressed child, I think. When I met my husband, he had to retrain me to accept it, because, like you, Rodnik, that was how he was raised. I learned that he wasn't impeding my independence, and to both accept and enjoy it. I can now wait for the door to be opened for me (unless his arms are full!) :blush: Maybe it's something similar for women in general... We have struggled over centuries to be seen as equals and not second-class citizens that anything that implies we can't "do it for ourselves" is bad. <shrugs> Anyway, I'm done rambling...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Perhaps some of you ladies could use Spike's crash-course on How To Frighten Away Men 101 and Spike's advanced course, Non-Flattering Attire 102

 

::D: I think a lot of girls could benefit from that, Spike! At least the first course. The second, well, let's just say that my husband's favorite outfit for me is baggy sweats and an oversized Tshirt! :wub: I love that man.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Well this is an interesting converstation anyway. I'm amazed at how forgiving people are of pretty people and drunks but still insist that gamer geeks are so bad. I think it's basically that these guys are for the most part unattractive and perhaps a bit socially stunted. That's the biggest fault from what people are saying.

 

The unattractiveness is nothing they can help but people are petty so I guess that counts against them. The socially stunted may be their fault but in some cases of some of them may have real problems. If they retreat into the fantasy world to deal with them what makes that worse than people who drink to deal with the same issues?

 

Their also geeks and neards which I would think wouldn't count against them in this crowd. After all everyone here is nothing more than an adult who is still playing games with little tin soldiers. Persent company included. Perhaps some of you have social problems yourselves. Certainly there seems to be a serious lack of compassion which I think it more than a bit inhuman.

 

I've really got nothing more to say on this topic. I'm sure some of you are convinced that your better geeks than these poor slobs but I think a snobby geek is just about the most unappealing geek to be around.

From the tone of your post, it would seem, ironically enough, that you dislike some of our attitudes, implying that you, in fact, think you are better than us snobs.

 

Welcome to the club of better than thou.

 

We all do it to an extent. Every one of us has some person or group of people that we consider ourselves better than.

I, in fact, consider myself better than a lot of people: Murderers, rapists, pedophiles, abusive parents, just to name a few.

 

Compassion? Have you ever had a 32 year old virgin fat beard latch on to you and consider you his best friend, showing up at your job, wanting to discuss gaming while you are working on multi-million dollar projects, simply because you made some other gamers stop picking on him? Look you up in the phone book and call your house to invite himself over or call to discuss Star Wars vs. Star Trek at 2am?

Have you ever had a disgustingly nasty and annoying female Larper stalk you and threaten the women you date, calling you her boyfriend simply because your character interacts in a friendly manner to her character? Simply because she can't determine between fantasy and reality? Lot's of these types came into the community when White Wolf released Vampire: The Masquerade. Compassion, pity, sometimes even common courtesy can be like a candle to moths to some of them.

I've seen this behavior tons of times, I have had this happen to me, and yes, the vast majority have been gamers.

 

I don't think I'm better than them, I'm just too ornery, and getting more ornery and less tolerant of idiocy as I get older to be bothered with the drama and to associate with people I really have no true liking for. I will say, however, I don't just discriminate against gamers.

I also don't hang around with drug dealers, junkies, prostitutes, most lawyers, politicians, liars, thieves, pretty yet dumb people, thug wannabe's etc. etc.

Life's too short to spend it around people that you dislike, annoy you, or generally make you uncomfortable, whatever the reason may be.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Kev,

 

It does happen more with less mature males or someone who's just oblivious or to someone who has looser morals than most conscientious people.

I figured that was the case, for the most part.

 

I've been told by my guy friends before that if I even so much as smile and say hi to a guy, he's instantly thinking, wow she's interested. Then they investigate a little more, convince themselves more when I'm nice to them and then can't take no for an answer when they actually ask me out.

I can't speak to the specifics, as I've never met you personally. I can say that what I find most attractive in women are pleasant, down-to-earth personalities----and independence/confidence. That is to say, if a girl smiles a lot, carries a good conversation, and is confident in her own opinions---that just impresses the hell outta me....and often if that conversation was directed at me, I could easily convince myself she was interested in me. Shallow, I know----but a demeanor that's both confident and pleasant is hard to come by. Although, if a woman says "no", it's easily enough to discern what is actually a resounding "NO".

And without sounding too cliche---I understand that "no means no"----but the challenge is on the dating scene, I've found that people say no for a plethora of varying reasons....and sometimes persistence pays off (trying to understand those reasons). For example---I proposed three times before my wife said "yes". Her reasoning had nothing to do with me---and ultimately had more to do with her self-image (I'll spare you that explanation)----a reason she didn't explain to me until after we were married---she simply said "no"----but I persisted.

 

I've even had guys meet the guy I was dating at the time and then the next day try to convince why they would be better for me. So, guys = thick headed (some exceptions may apply)

 

That's an odd one to judge---as some folks prefer to date many different people---and there are, obviously, varying stages of dating. A courting male that persists is probably just waiting to find out that 'stage' before he decides to move on. I've also seen where females that were dating--and wanted to make themselves available, will systematically *list* the deficiencies of their current beau to any approaching suitor. Odd behavior really.

Regardless, most guys could do with a course in behavioral science before they talk to girls----it might go a long way towards them focusing their energies in the right direction. Most don't understand a few simple guidelines---

a. Women want the same thing men do...companionship. But women want that companionship at a *much* different intimacy level---for the most part, that is.

b. A girl that finds you attractive and interesting WILL LET YOU KNOW (without a doubt) she finds you attractive and interesting---she just might not say it out loud. But rest assured, if she likes you..you'll be given a really big hint (and no, this isn't her stripping her shirt off and dancing on the coffee table---well, most of the time not). You just gotta know what to look/listen for.

c. When talking to a female---just talk. Don't have an agenda, don't have a pre-conceived notion of going home with anyone, just talk like you would to one of your friends---but leave out the locker room trash. The flip-side of this is to gain the interest of a girl (or a guy for that matter)---you absolutely must listen to what they're saying.

K.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ooh Me me! I'd like to sign up for that!

 

I'm apparently TOO nice. Or so I've been told by my male friends.

 

I've been told that too. Many times in fact. I've had both my male and female friends say that to me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It suddenly occurred to me what makes men behave (or misbehave) the way they do.

 

Maybe they do it to keep the girls away. I mean, the worst thing that can happen to a game group is for one or more players to discover women and no longer be allowed to play. Maybe the bad breath, mismatched clothes, and constant chatter about his uber-munchkin character is to save himself from a life of being normal.

 

OR maybe I've just had one too many cookies and am talking thru my pie-hole.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
It suddenly occurred to me what makes men behave (or misbehave) the way they do.

 

Maybe they do it to keep the girls away. I mean, the worst thing that can happen to a game group is for one or more players to discover women and no longer be allowed to play. Maybe the bad breath, mismatched clothes, and constant chatter about his uber-munchkin character is to save himself from a life of being normal.

 

OR maybe I've just had one too many cookies and am talking thru my pie-hole.

While that is a very good point, I think it's just part of the complex psyche that causes the bad seeds to behave in....well, the manner they do. Alot of it stems from inadequacy as well as several other psychological shortcomings and poor developments. Unfortunately, we see this sort of thing all to often in gamestores because many gamestores are the only places where some people actually feel they fit in. While I'm not defending their behavior or condoning it, I will say that for some, a game store or a gaming circle is a person's sanctuary from the abuse that they used to/still are suffering from certain members of the "outside world". What they sadly don't realise is that the people abusing them are just one tiny facet of the society as a whole, and if they were to both literally and metaphorically "clean up their act", as it were, they would probably enjoy it a great deal.

 

Granted, I sadly realise that for some outcasts, there are things that doom them from the start. I know a guy at one of my local haunts that is at least 250 pounds overweight at the very least, and has stretch marks on his lips as a result (they form where the raised portion of his lips go to where his nose is, where normally, there is a bit of a ridge of skin. with him, they are just massive stretch marks). Unfortunately, because of how negative a great deal of the society as a whole is, they will not accept someone like that and ridecule him for his problems. In his case, I would say that any sort of sanctuary where he can interact with people that would accept him on a whole and where he can interact with his peers without being judged is a godsend.

 

I also realise that there are yet another type of people out there that know just about everything I've said, if not moreso, and yet continue to act and have the hygiene et al that the other groups have. These have no excuse and do not deserve any sympathy whatsoever. What makes it hard on the other two groups is where you discern where this third type is and who you'd lump into the other categories.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Perhaps some of you ladies could use Spike's crash-course on How To Frighten Away Men 101 and Spike's advanced course, Non-Flattering Attire 102

 

:unsure: I think I already graduated from those courses... Was that the one with that had the hour long session on 'Window-rattling Belches'?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Interesting discussion, this....

 

I got back into gaming about 5 years ago, and have not really had a problem with any creepy guys at the store where I generally hang out. I've actually had more creep factor when I was doing retail bookstore work. There's another game store locally that I tend not to go into alone, as it caters to a slightly different crowd and is staffed a good bit by kids working for store credit and who are too busy playing online games at the register than in taking care of customers - but that's a completely different rant. The people who hang out there are more likely to be foul-mouthed teenagers, and the general level of cleanliness in the store as a whole is rather suspect. :-P

 

Yes, I've encountered a number of arrogant gamers who can give gaming a bad name, but they strike me as being arrogant sorts of people in general, even outside the game store. There are a few I won't play with at game nights, but in general, most of the people, men and women both, are lots of fun. I've made a number of friends through my LGS, too.

 

But stereotypes abound on both sides. At a game night a few months ago, I was asked quite seriously by the male player next to me (a friend of a friend, who actually works for a local game company) if I was there as somebody's wife or girlfriend, as I was too nicely dressed to be a gamer. Say what...?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
It suddenly occurred to me what makes men behave (or misbehave) the way they do.

 

Maybe they do it to keep the girls away. I mean, the worst thing that can happen to a game group is for one or more players to discover women and no longer be allowed to play. Maybe the bad breath, mismatched clothes, and constant chatter about his uber-munchkin character is to save himself from a life of being normal.

 

 

err, you are funny, i'll give you that, Spike!

 

It comes down to :

 

A) if you don't plant a garden you don't eat in the summer, if you don't store winter goes unfed too...

B) starving men want food so much more it shows on their faces in scary ways.

C) what do they know about gardening who are dead from lack of it?

 

of all the gamers (unmarried, that is) in my area i am the most conversant with women, and i know why....i act human around women, and i don't push my luck too far...letting your heart race gets you defeated in any arena, and bad hygene is bad advertising...

 

 

also, nothing says equal rights for women like telling local wanton hoodrats to go to he11....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×