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1 minute ago, TheAuldGrump said:

The Auld Grump - I so much wanted to like the 2013 Lone Ranger movie... but didn't.

 

I don't wanna see a Lone Ranger comedy. I wanted to see a Lone Ranger movie, not a movie where the Lone Ranger and Tonto are both schmucks. I felt the same way about the Green Lantern movie. At what point in Green Lantern's origin story is he a schmuck, and who had the idea of making a movie where the main character spends ninety percent of it as a schmuck, only becoming a hero in the last ten or fifteen minutes?

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23 minutes ago, Dr.Bedlam said:

 

I don't wanna see a Lone Ranger comedy. I wanted to see a Lone Ranger movie, not a movie where the Lone Ranger and Tonto are both schmucks. I felt the same way about the Green Lantern movie. At what point in Green Lantern's origin story is he a schmuck, and who had the idea of making a movie where the main character spends ninety percent of it as a schmuck, only becoming a hero in the last ten or fifteen minutes?

And when it comes to westerns where the main characters are schmendricks, Shanghai Noon did it better. (As for the Maverick movie... I love it all to pieces. Even Jodie Foster looked like she was having a good time - which never happens. Nothing but scoundrels....)

 

The Auld Grump

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42 minutes ago, TheAuldGrump said:

And when it comes to westerns where the main characters are schmendricks, Shanghai Noon did it better. (As for the Maverick movie... I love it all to pieces. Even Jodie Foster looked like she was having a good time - which never happens. Nothing but scoundrels....)

 

The Auld Grump


Well, that's kinda the point. If I want a comedy, I'll go SEE a comedy. But if I go see The Green Hornet, I'm expecting fun pulpy masked man adventure, not an idiot hero with an irritable hypercompetent sidekick. And I was so happy when they announced a Land Of The Lost movie, that when I actually SAW the thing, it made me wanna kick Will Ferrell to death.

This trend needs to die. Perhaps my brain is old and petrified, but at what point was it profitable and successful to take well known, established serious adventure heroes and turn them into comedies? Or even stories about chumps who finally turn hero in the last ten minutes of the movie? ARE there any successful examples?

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1 hour ago, Dr.Bedlam said:

... when I actually SAW the thing, it made me wanna kick Will Ferrell to death.

 

There is a technical term for this:

 

"Watching a Will Ferrell movie"

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On 11/6/2017 at 4:58 PM, TheAuldGrump said:

 

The Auld Grump

As soon as I read the first post, I knew Grump would link to a song.

 

I was wrong about which song though.

 

I was expecting Goodnight-Loving trail. He sings it as a sad lullaby.

 

I don't know that I have ever met a REAL cowboy, or even many fake ones.

1 hour ago, Dr.Bedlam said:


Well, that's kinda the point. If I want a comedy, I'll go SEE a comedy. But if I go see The Green Hornet, I'm expecting fun pulpy masked man adventure, not an idiot hero with an irritable hypercompetent sidekick. And I was so happy when they announced a Land Of The Lost movie, that when I actually SAW the thing, it made me wanna kick Will Ferrell to death.

This trend needs to die. Perhaps my brain is old and petrified, but at what point was it profitable and successful to take well known, established serious adventure heroes and turn them into comedies? Or even stories about chumps who finally turn hero in the last ten minutes of the movie? ARE there any successful examples?

Even redoing comedies as comedies needs to go away. I hated the remake of Ghostbusters SO much. They took a movie with a ton of memories shared with Mum and made it BORING!

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3 hours ago, Dr.Bedlam said:

 

I don't wanna see a Lone Ranger comedy. I wanted to see a Lone Ranger movie, not a movie where the Lone Ranger and Tonto are both schmucks. I felt the same way about the Green Lantern movie. At what point in Green Lantern's origin story is he a schmuck, and who had the idea of making a movie where the main character spends ninety percent of it as a schmuck, only becoming a hero in the last ten or fifteen minutes?

That wasn't a comedy.

 

Comedies have to be FUNNY!

 

I liked the remake of True Grit. Maybe it helped that I didn't see the original until after.

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11 hours ago, TheAuldGrump said:

I so much wanted to like the 2013 Lone Ranger movie... but didn't.

The best part of that movie was near the end when he was riding his horse down the train and the music was playing. There should have been more of that. Instead there was a bunch of stupid and depressing. Bleh.

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16 hours ago, Dr.Bedlam said:

 

I don't wanna see a Lone Ranger comedy. I wanted to see a Lone Ranger movie, not a movie where the Lone Ranger and Tonto are both schmucks. I felt the same way about the Green Lantern movie. At what point in Green Lantern's origin story is he a schmuck, and who had the idea of making a movie where the main character spends ninety percent of it as a schmuck, only becoming a hero in the last ten or fifteen minutes?

 

Green Lantern was irksome, to the point that Ryan Reynolds made fun of it in his Deadpool movie. I was very bothered by Green Lantern just by the first 10-15 minutes or so. The best military pilot suddenly spazzes the heck out? Uhh... very out of place. 

 

15 hours ago, Dr.Bedlam said:


Well, that's kinda the point. If I want a comedy, I'll go SEE a comedy. But if I go see The Green Hornet, I'm expecting fun pulpy masked man adventure, not an idiot hero with an irritable hypercompetent sidekick. And I was so happy when they announced a Land Of The Lost movie, that when I actually SAW the thing, it made me wanna kick Will Ferrell to death.

This trend needs to die. Perhaps my brain is old and petrified, but at what point was it profitable and successful to take well known, established serious adventure heroes and turn them into comedies? Or even stories about chumps who finally turn hero in the last ten minutes of the movie? ARE there any successful examples?

 

I don't mind comedy adaptations overall, and would like them sticking around. However, they could often use more rigorous selecting as to who gets the comedy. Guardians of the Galaxy did very well with it. Most of the Marvel movies have as well, in my opinion. DC movies I think have suffered for the lack of lightening-up in general. Wonder Woman did well being mostly serious. Others get too sucked up into being dark and gritty. However, DC is doing pretty well in the comedy on the CW for television instead of big screen. They fluctuate between comedy and being serious rather well there.

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I suppose I should tell the handful of Cowboys I know that they don't exist. I wonder if they will wink out of existence on becoming aware they are a thing of fiction?

17 hours ago, Dr.Bedlam said:

 

I don't wanna see a Lone Ranger comedy. I wanted to see a Lone Ranger movie, not a movie where the Lone Ranger and Tonto are both schmucks. I felt the same way about the Green Lantern movie. At what point in Green Lantern's origin story is he a schmuck, and who had the idea of making a movie where the main character spends ninety percent of it as a schmuck, only becoming a hero in the last ten or fifteen minutes?

The best part of the Green Lantern movie was Sinestro. 

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10 minutes ago, Loim said:

 

The best part of the Green Lantern movie was Sinestro. 

The best part of the green lantern movie was all the great jokes that came from it in Deadpool.

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2 hours ago, Loim said:

I suppose I should tell the handful of Cowboys I know that they don't exist. I wonder if they will wink out of existence on becoming aware they are a thing of fiction?

 

 Well, it hasn't stopped me so far...

 

 

Edited by Mad Jack
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"Lightening up" is one thing. Tell Superman to wear red and blue instead of that washed out cobalt and maroon thing from Man Of Steel, THAT's lightening up. Turning him into a jerk or bumbling idiot, now...

 

There are still cowboys. Hell, Wilford Brimley was a cowboy working at a movie ranch before someone gave him lines and he slowly mutated into an actor.

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22 hours ago, PaganMegan said:

As soon as I read the first post, I knew Grump would link to a song.

 

I was wrong about which song though.

 

I was expecting Goodnight-Loving trail. He sings it as a sad lullaby.

 

I don't know that I have ever met a REAL cowboy, or even many fake ones.

 

 

 

You've gamed with a cowboy at least once. ::): (No, not me... when riding at any gait faster than an amble, I counter-post. Ow. ::o:)

 

The Auld Grump

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On 11/8/2017 at 6:08 PM, TheAuldGrump said:

 

 

 

You've gamed with a cowboy at least once. ::): (No, not me... when riding at any gait faster than an amble, I counter-post. Ow. ::o:)

 

The Auld Grump

Okay, I give up - whom?

 

And WHAT is counter-posting?

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1 hour ago, PaganMegan said:

Okay, I give up - whom?

 

And WHAT is counter-posting?

 

Failing to post, and thus bruising one's seat?

I'unno, I've never actually ridden English, and I despise Western saddles...

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    • By Dr.Bedlam
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      Evanier tries to explain that he only had the two complimentary tickets, but the sharp woman is not having any, and thus Evanier has to call his friend and see if more tickets can be had, but he will gladly pay for these, yadda yadda, and tickets are found, and a date is made.
       
      And on the evening in question, our happy couple steps out to the theatre... but upon arrival, there seems to be a problem. People are angry. There are loud voices among the gowns and tuxes. The box office person is looking hunted. It seems that Glenn Close, for whatever reason, will not be appearing tonight; the role will be handled by her understudy, and the crowd is NOT happy about this. One man is shouting that he traveled halfway across the country to see Glenn Close, and now she’s not performing? Another is angry that he paid premium prices for the tickets, and now the main reason for doing so is gone.
       
      The theatre manager comes out and attempts to calm down the crowd, but they aren’t having any. He explains that he cannot FORCE Ms. Close to perform, but the crowd seems to think that he should.
       
      He offers to validate parking, free of charge, but that doesn’t accomplish much.
       
      And finally, in desperation, he whips out a pocket humidor and offers one particularly loud gentleman an expensive cigar.
       
      “I don’t WANT a &%#$& CIGAR!” shouts the angry man. “I want GLENN CLOSE!”
       
      And Evanier, standing nearby, shows the wit -- and wisdom -- that made him a TV comedy writer, and quips, “Cigar, but no Close.”
       
      *rimshot*
       
      If Evanier had ended the story here, it would be a classic example of a feghoot. As it is, the crowd didn’t think he was very funny, and he reports that had he and his date not done a fast fade, he might well have been the first person ever lynched over a bad pun...

      My personal supply of feghoots is limited. Anyone know any?
    • By Dr.Bedlam
      So I hear they're making another Star Trek television series. Apparently, they think this one is so good, people will pay to watch it, like HBO and Game Of Thrones. I have my doubts, but I haven't seen it, so what do I know?

      Star Trek has had several spinoff series of varying quality. I didn't expect to like Next Generation, but they lucked out with a combination of a cast that could do ANY durn thing (Patrick Stewart's one of the few actors I know of who can literally carry a one man show) and enough good scripts in the first two years to carry them past the bad ones (planet of the black people, anyone? How about the toga people who wanted to kill Wesley for stepping on flowers?)

      By the third season, though, the show really shone, and even its detractors had to admit it was some good television. So they decided to make ANOTHER one, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. And, again, after an uneven first season, it did some mighty good episodes.

      ...and then they tried yet again with Star Trek Voyager... which... was less good. More uneven. I don't know what it is about TV executives thinking that people want to see people on a spaceship all lost somewhere in the universe. I don't WANT to be lost. I liked Star Trek because they KNEW where they were, and could go home ANY TIME THEY WANTED. But, no, the TV execs think I want to identify with people stuck a zillion miles from home. But I digress.

      ...and then they tried again with Star Trek: Enterprise. Which... well, they tried.

      And now they're trying again with another prequel series. And I just don't know. This "prequel series" thing presumes I want to know what led up to Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock and everyone. 

      And I was thinking about this when I saw that one episode of the original series where Captain Kirk gets shanghaiied by the glowy brains to be a gladiator. Remember that one? The glowy space brains that have tremendous cosmic power and can't think of anything to do with it except set up sporting matches and bet on the outcome? And Captain Kirk convinces them that setting everyone free and setting up a civilization would be more interesting than betting on sports?

      First saw that episode when I was, I think, ten. It was good enough when I was ten. Now, I just wonder what the hell Captain Kirk was thinking, handing a civilization over to a race of glowy space brains that couldn't think of anything better to do with amazing cosmic powers than bet on how American Gladiators is going to turn out today. What kind of civilization are THESE people going to set up?

      And then I thought about it: what if a Federation spaceship happens to come back some hundred years later? What kind of civilization DID they set up?

      And that's when it hit me: they wanna do a new Star Trek series? Everyone I talked to agreed that Enterprise stank, all the way up until they remembered all the OLD Star Trek stuff... the Gorn, the Tholians, the Mirror Universe... all that old stuff left over from when Shatner and Nimoy were on board.

      What happened to all the Thralls on the planet of the gambling-addicted space brains?
      What happened to the planet of the Space Gangsters?
      What happened to the planet of the Space Nazis?
      What happened to the planet of the Space Romans?
      What happened to the planet of the Space Children who were actually 200 years old?
      What happened to the planet of the Space Indians?
      What happened to the planet of the Space Hippies With The Big Pompadours who worshipped the Computer Snake Monster Cave Thing?
      What happened to all the space women that Captain Kirk had, um, diplomatic relations with?

      It occurred to me that Captain Kirk alone left enough weird floating around in space that a whole new Star Trek series could spend the first couple seasons just finding out what happened afterwards. Did any of these planets join the Federation afterwards? Is there a whole planet of people who look like six year old Clint Howard? More importantly, are there a zillion space babies out there who resemble William Shatner?

      And lastly, is this new series going to be more interesting than finding out what the Space Hippies with the Big Pompadours did?

       
    • By Dr.Bedlam
      I teach special education. And sometimes, I use Dungeons and Dragons.

      Why not? It's a great multifaceted tool and addresses a variety of core standards and diagnostic purposes.

      1. You HAVE to read and write in order to play. In particular, if you HAVE a thing, but it is NOT WRITTEN DOWN? You don't have it. I don't care if Odin himself showed up and handed you a zillion gold pieces and the Spear of Destiny, if it isn't written on your sheet? Didn't happen. And if I can't read your handwriting? Didn't happen. Be happy I don't make you put it down in complete sentences. There, see? Now you have a plus-three spear that comes back to your hand! Oh, and the wizard handed you a scroll! Here, here's the play aid. What? I dunno what it says, YOU'RE the one holding the scrap of paper I gave you! Better read it CAREFULLY, it might be important...

      2. Mental math. You want to know if your roll of 12 plus your +3 for strength can hit AC 16? Figure it out yourself. Afraid you'll get it wrong? Don't worry, I'll let you know... Hell, at some point, I mean to snakehip the James Bond Roleplaying Game to a more kid-friendly version; it uses a multiplication table to resolve skill checks, and it runs on percentile dice!

      3. Rewards. Did everyone get their day's work done? Did everyone earn all their points? How many of us had behavior incidents this week? What? We're all lookin' good? Well, who wants to play a game...? It helps that it's a game that requires teamwork, and it's a game EVERYONE CAN THEORETICALLY WIN, which means that one kid who always tantrums if he loses doesn't necessarily have something to go off about.
       
      4. Diagnostics. Roleplaying is nothing new to psychiatric work, but D&D is uniquely suited to creating immersive imaginary scenarios and seeing what a child will do in reaction. Example:
      "I slay the Orc! Does he have any treasure?" isn't uncommon.
      "I talk to the Orc, and tell him if he stands aside, we won't bother him!" is actually pretty healthy.
      "I slay the Orc! And then I keep stabbing him! And I laugh! And I stick an arrow up his nose!" may be indicative of some anger management issues.
      "I slay the Orc! And then I look for more orcs to kill! I don't care about treasure! Is there any more killing?" may be indicative of feelings of powerlessness or resentment towards someone.
      "I slay the Orc! And then I yank his pants down and saw off his..." may be indicative of issues I'll need to mention to the social workers.

      5. Interpersonal/social relationships. Y'know what? It's a helluva lot safer and easier to manage when two kids' characters get into a ruckus than when the two actual children start pummeling each other. Furthermore, I find that immersive roleplaying is a HELLACIOUS teambuilding exercise, and tends to reflexively teach problem solving and managing interpersonal issues. Sure, you get "If you don't give me your potion of healing, my next character will kill YOUR character!", but compared to some of the scrambles one encounters in elementary school, this is a walk in the park.

      6. Narrative Structure. There are children who just want to go find a monster that it's okay to maltreat. That's fine. Every generation has had its version of cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, whatever. But these kids are learning about genre, setting, characters, STOCK characters, protagonists, antagonists, and everything they'll need to know when it's TAUGHT to them... without even realizing it.

      So, yeah, D&D is a useful thing, the kids eat it up, and it gives us all something to look forward to at the end of the week. And I told you that story so I could tell you this one.

      ************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
      The Knight, the Warrior, the Ninja, the Cavalier, and the Wizard* have been wandering in the woods for three days. They have gotten good and lost by their own efforts and lack of forethought, and they are now beginning to regret the decisions that led them there. They defeated their enemies in the Red Caverns, but chose to force their way out a new exit rather than backtrack to the way they knew, and are now not even sure which side of the mountains they are on, or how to get back to the Red Caverns. The Cavalier is fairly sure that the town is east, but none of them have any idea how to determine which way IS east.

      The Ranger would be a handy addition to the party right now -- as a sixth grader, he's the eldest, and knows how to track and find his way -- but since he blew off his math homework all week, he's busy catching up instead of enjoying Friday Fun. The group went hunting three days ago, and brought down a wild boar**, but since none of them have any idea how to preserve meat, the rations they didn't cook have gone a bit high. They have enough bacon and ham to feed the party for ONE more night... and after that, they will begin to find themselves a bit hungry.

      The party are all Minecraft veterans. They know quite well what happens when your character starts getting... hungry. And so they're on the lookout for food.

      The lack of the Ranger is keenly felt. Precisely what constitutes wild food? The group has been checking the trees of the forest; none seem to be fruit bearing trees. No apples or pears. Vegetable trees seem short as well; not a single potato tree, carrot bush, or Twizzler flower can be found. The Cavalier seems certain that some varieties of tree can be eaten, but so far, all they've found are the regular wooden kind. Still, hope runs high, although a low level argument is simmering about whether strawberries are plants or animals.

      Abruptly, the DM begins rolling dice. The Knight warns everyone to stop cold; he is aware that this means SOMETHING, although the DM has refused to explain what. Low numbers on the D6 seem to indicate animals or monsters, and the DM has rolled a one. Then he rolled a D20, twice. "You are not surprised," the DM said.

      "Meat!" giggles the Knight. "I get an arrow ready. Is it a deer? Or a turkey?"

      "I hide in shadows," says the Ninja, rolling a stealth check. Successful.

      "Is there such a thing as a wild cow?" asks the Cavalier.

      "Cows could mean we're near a town," says the Warrior. "Or is it a buffalo?" 

      "If I throw burning oil on it, will the meat cook itself?" asks the Wizard.

      "Ew! That would make it taste horrible," said the Ninja. "Just use Burning Hands spell."

      "You are not surprised," continues the DM, "but neither is HE." He puts a miniature on the table. It is a hideous, warty green humanoid, easily three times the size of any of the players. It is a cruel, monstrous looking horror, all claws and fangs and warts, and it fairly sweats malevolence.

      The group, uncharacteristically, falls DEAD silent. What IS that thing? They've encountered ogres before, but they weren't this big... or this green.

      *beat of horrified silence*

      And then, the Ninja speaks in a small, solemn, eight year old voice: 

      "We are NOT eating THAT."

      And the game had to stop for a minute because the DM fell out of the chair laughing.



      *Three Fighters, a Rogue, and a Magic-user, highest level is fourth. Mentzner BECMI system.
      **It was only after finding out what they were eating that three of the group realized that "boar" is in fact "pig, aka pork." One of the group seemed to think that most breakfast foods came from pigs, and was disappointed that the boar did not also provide toast. The conversion of "dead pig" into "edible foods" was not covered in detail, although the entire group seemed to understand that smacking it with a sword did not simply result in a pork chop floating in midair, like in Minecraft. Education continues.

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