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My super power is attracting dogs and horses.

 

Part of my old job involved flora/fauna surveying and if there was any horses onsite I would end up with a little herd 'helping' me. One particular landowner asked me if I wanted to buy her rescued friesian stallion because I was the only person that he would willingly go near. He was absolutely gorgeous, and such a gentle soul. Unfortunately, I couldn't afford afford him at the time :(

 

Dogs follow me too, when I go out jogging I usually end up with a furry friend abandoning their owner and running alongside me. Today it was a boxer, yesterday a wee fuzzy scrap of a thing called Jango :)

 

 

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Many years ago, I had a job as a pizza man. My job was to make delicious pizzas, all kinds, for delivery or dine in.

I lived three blocks from the pizza joint, so I usually walked home after work. By the time I arrived at my front door, I had an entourage of five to a dozen dogs.

Weirdly enough, since I quit work as a pizza man, I don't seem to draw dogs as readily...

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I'm pretty sure I don't smell of pizza but I might be wrong....

 

I used to work in a kitchen and on one terrible, hideous, summer night our extractor fans went kaput. It was almost unbearable, and I went home feeling light headed, nauseous and stinking. When I got in my cat jumped onto my shoulder and tried to eat my hair :(

 

I just realised that I have another super power- I don't get bitten by midges at all. This is a great advantage in Scotland :bday:

 

 

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Not bitten by mosquitos?  Colour me envious!  Hubby likes to joke that when we go for walks, he barely needs anything like repellent, since they all go for me... 

Edited by WhiteWulfe
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 Jack has powers over time and space. I regularly win staring contests with the Laws of Physics.  ::D:

 

I can fit ten cubic feet of stuff into seven-and-a-half cubic feet of space. I can stack things on top of each other that shouldn't be stackable and they won't fall over. I can get the candy machine to take that dollar bill that it won't take for anyone else. If I need to be somewhere in ten minutes, but it's 20 minutes away, I'll make it on time. On at least three separate occasions people have sworn they saw me teleport when I'm really drunk.

 

Just don't ask me how I did it, or the Universe will explode.

 

 

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I can fit ten cubic feet of stuff into seven-and-a-half cubic feet of space. I can stack things on top of each other that shouldn't be stackable and they won't fall over.

 I call this power tetrising. It's definitely not my superpower though I regularly attempt to tetris my freezer.

 

I was once dubbed deathhand by work colleagues because of my ability as a tester to get anything to fail. But I do also have to give a special mention to my contortion like powers which enabled me to crawl halfway through a very small pet door, reach up and unlock the door so I could get into my house on Monday.

 

My flaw balances out the mum-like superpower of knowing where every item in the house is whenever anyone asks, even if I didn't know before they asked. It has to do with leaving half drunk cups of tea all over the house in strange spots.

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5 hours ago, Sibling said:

 I call this power tetrising. It's definitely not my superpower though I regularly attempt to tetris my freezer.

 

I thought I was the only one who called it that! ::D: I'm pretty good at tetrising, though I wouldn't call it one of my odd superpowers.

 

I have a few. One is the ability to jinx people (usually myself) when they are playing a video game and either racing or fighting a big battle. If I say they'll win, they don't. I've taken to not even thinking it, just in case. A corollary to that is every time I've insisted "we're gonna die" prior to a big scary fight in Pathfinder, everyone's survived, even when it was against probability. The few times I forgot, people died. I've been especially bad about it in this campaign. :unsure:

 

I also seem to be a sort of cat whisperer. Even the most shy of kitties will come say hello, to the astonishment of their owners. I figure it's because they are able to see past my human disguise and recognize one of their own. :lol:

 

I also have an uncanny ability to untangle stuff, though I attribute that to my patience and ability to intently focus on something for long periods of time. My dad eventually left the Christmas lights for me to sort out each year because I was so good at it. ^_^

 

I'm sure I have others, but those are the ones that come to mind just now.

 

Huzzah!

--OneBoot :D

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Now that I think about it, I used to take my daughter along when I was going out to buy blind booster packs with figures in them. She had an uncanny ability to pick one with a rare figure in it.

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On 7/11/2018 at 2:02 AM, OneBoot said:
On 7/10/2018 at 8:27 PM, Sibling said:

 I call this power tetrising. It's definitely not my superpower though I regularly attempt to tetris my freezer.

 

I thought I was the only one who called it that! ::D: I'm pretty good at tetrising, though I wouldn't call it one of my odd superpowers.

 

I have mastered the art of Tetrising to the point of occasionally getting two solid objects to share the same physical space. When I pack a box, it's best not to shake it too hard in case the contents reach critical mass.

 

When people used to ask me what I carried in my Rocky Bag, I'd tell them...

 

"One of everything. And two of everything else."  

 

They'd assume I was joking.  :B):

 

 

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Tetrising is a familial power. My father used to fit piles of luggage larger than a minivan... into the minivan. With room for 5 people and space to see out the back window. Unpacking took hours as the pile expanded back to normal size, one thing at a time, all of it unbroken though lightly squished (bag, cast iron frying pans, axe, shotgun, bag, towels, fishing rods, crock pot, bag, tent, sleeping bags, tackle boxes, bag...)

 

I can tetris, though my talent is less impressive. I don't have a minivan, I have a Handy Haversack. I inherited it from my dad (might be part of why it works tbh). I bring it to every con I attend because I can always fit stuff into it. No matter how full it is, I can find room and it all comes out unbroken though lightly squished (swag, laptop, jacket, dice, swag, rulebooks, case of minis, sandwiches, swag, snacks, coffee cup, con contraband, swag...) Unfortunately, the magic item description lied to me, this thing totally weighs more than 5 pounds. A lot more...

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      *********************************************

      Rocket Boy, surprisingly, was the first to fall. Wild Man nailed him with a water pistol as he left his room that Monday to go to class. Everyone expected Rocket to last a while; he was a very clever fellow, and we had discussed much about weapons, ballistics, and range the previous day.

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      I was the next to go, I'm ashamed to say. I was headed to a class that afternoon, when I felt the kiss of cold water on the back of my neck. I spun around to see the Creature grinning at me, holding a clear orange plastic .45. BUGGER! I was a gentleman, though, and gave him the name of my intended victim. I hadn't even got around to killing anyone yet...

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      If any of us could stuff a baby grand piano out a three foot window, it would certainly be Wild Man.

      ************************************************

      Tuesday was a cruel day.

      Zorro took out the Dewy Eyed Wonder with his trusty Star Trek Tracer Gun, a toy that shot plastic discs and looked nothing like anything ever seen on the TV show (although it did have a picture of Mr. Spock on it); Zorro loved it because it was quiet and surprisingly accurate within thirty feet or so, assuming you were using it indoors; breezes tended to send the little frisbee discs wide. Zorro would later learn to use this to his advantage, claiming he could shoot around corners if the wind was right, but I digress.

      Mr. Zulu fell victim to his own weapon; he tried to supercharge a water pistol using a CO2 cartridge haphazardly affixed to the water port, and the cheap plastic toy had simply exploded. A meeting was called, and Mr. Zulu was declared to not be dead, since the rules did not allow for death by misadventure. He celebrated by going and shooting Izod in the face as he came out of the dining hall.

      Izod had made his mark, however, as earlier in the day, he had killed the Prepster with a concealed dart pistol; the Prepster had been eyeing a jogging pretty in a tube top, and had foolishly allowed his assassin to get way too close.

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      Wild Man had gone from being a lovable loony to being someone to watch.

      ********************************************************

      No one died on Wednesday. This is because everyone had taken the concept of "paranoia" to a high art form.

      At one point, I saw the Troll enter the main hallway on the third floor where our rooms were by doing a tuck and roll out of the stairwell, ended by leaping to his feet with a water pistol in either hand.

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      *********************************************************

      Thursday was filled with tension. Wild Man simply barricaded himself in his room and refused to come out for classes.

      Zorro survived close brushes with the disappointed Mr. Zulu and Tom Slick, and commented at length later about how he couldn't sleep or focus on anything for fear someone was going to come climbing in a window with a rubber dagger in his teeth or something.

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      ...one of whom suddenly said, "I leap to my feet and seize the Troll!"

      The second said, "I grab his gun arm! He can't reach his weapons!"

      The third said, "I grab his legs! We drag him out of the chair!"

      The fourth said, "And I grab his torso! Over to the window! CRASH! Down he goes, ten floors to the pavement!"

      ...a meeting was called. Troll complained bitterly about how he'd never had a chance, and that no one had informed him that hirelings could be used for assassination. Wild Man, grinning like an orgasmic shark, simply said that there were no rules against hiring henchmen, and that the murder had been carried out safely and harmlessly to bystanders.

      The committee reluctantly ruled in Wild Man's favor. Wild Man took his henchmen -- all Theatre majors -- out for beers in payment. Mr. Zulu later bitterly regretted not thinking to sneak down to Valentino's Pizza and shooting Wild Man in the face.

      *************************************************

      And Friday.

      Mr. Zulu and Tom Slick met and made a pact, I later heard. They'd reached the breaking point. They agreed that they would not murder each other until at least an hour after Wild Man had been dealt with; he was NOT going to claim the kitty, durnit!

      And they went to seek him out.

      On the whiteboard next to his door, the message: TED I AM IN THE GIRLS DAY ROOM FOR DAYS OF OUR LIVES

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      It bore checking out.

      They sneaked over to the third floor girls' side TV room. They glanced in the doorway.

      Wild Man sat alone, in the front couch, watching TV. The only thing that could be heard were the soft dialogue of a commercial, and the two or three fans running to cool the place. No one else was in the room.

      Golden opportunity. Mr. Zulu and Tom Slick entered the room, silently, guns in hand... and began to move towards the couch...

      And Wild Man abruptly spun in his seat and hurled a water balloon.

      And Mr. Zulu and Tom Slick dropped fast. They'd been expecting this. The balloon would sail over their heads and harmlessly into the hallway.

      ...if Wild Man had thrown it at them. He hadn't. He'd thrown it at the rotary fan next to the doorway. Which had had its safety cage removed, and been turned towards the doorway.

      BLAT! The balloon hit the blades, and its contents sprayed the entire area around the doorway.

      Exit Mr. Zulu and Tom Slick, dripping and fuming.

      Later discussion revealed the facts: Wild Man had turned the brightness down and wasn't watching the show; he was watching the reflections off the big glass screen. It'd been a trap all along. Zulu and Slick didn't even call a meeting to appeal.

      *******************************************************

      ...which brings us to Saturday.

      Wild Man was well ahead in the races. It was down to he and Zorro at this point. But Zorro was smart. Zorro was clever. And Zorro wouldn't go down without a fight. Wild Man had a half dozen plans in his mind to deal with Zorro.

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      Wild Man planned it carefully. He took soap, towel, and shampoo to the main bathroom ... at 4:30 that Saturday morning. Who'd be up and mobile at 4:30 on a Saturday morning?

      But Wild Man took no chances. He had his net bag of balloon grenades, and a squirt gun for good measure. Plus, it was a bathroom. If his assassin happened to get some spray off the shower, who was to say Wild Man hadn't shot him? This could work out to his advantage...

      And Wild Man undressed with one hand... a grenade in the other. Just in case.

      And Wild Man stepped into the bathing area, and into one of the shower stalls, still holding a grenade in his left hand, and his pistol clamped in his teeth. Backwards.

      He reached behind him and turned on the water. URRRRRGH! COLD! ALL over his shivering back! Still, though, he faced OUTWARDS, not INTO the shower stall. If he fell, his wounds would be in FRONT!

      But as the water warmed... he began to relax. It was 4:40 in the morning, for potato's sake. Who'd try anything at this hour? And even if anyone did, he was ready for them!

      The water was hot, now, spraying across his back. Keeping his eyes open, he let it wash across the back of his head, wetting his hair. Ahhhhhhhhh. After a moment's thought, he put the pistol down, but kept the water balloon firmly in his left hand. He reached up to wash his face... and stopped.

      His hand was bright green. Green rivulets ran up his arm, and green water dripped off his elbow. What the &%$#@???

      He spun around. The water gushing from the shower head was rich emerald green. And so was most of Wild Man, at this point.

      He snatched up his gun and ran out into the main bathroom area, where the stalls, sinks and mirrors were. And written in lipstick across the mirrors were the words: SULFURIC ACID SHOWER. The words hadn't been there when he'd come in.

      ...and this is where I came in; I was comfortably asleep in my room when I heard the scream. I staggered out into the hallway, along with a few other worthies not so hung over that they couldn't respond, to see Wild Man erupt from the bathroom, stark naked, stained a bright and runny green from crown to foot, dripping more green in his wake, clutching a water pistol in one hand and a water balloon in the other, and screaming and cursing with such vehemence, volume, and richness to turn the AIR green in his wake.

      I would later find out that Zorro had assumed that Wild Man would use the shower stall furthest from the door; it provided the best view of anyone coming in. Zorro had then waited until quite late at night, when he was pretty sure no one was going to be washing up... brought a hefty container of powdered tempera paint, wetted it into a putty, and had unscrewed the big industrial shower head in that stall and had coated the inside of the shower head with the green putty. It wasn't blocking the water flow, but when the water turned warm, it dissolved the putty, turning it into green paint... and....

      I remember those big clunky old shower heads. There was room in there for a pound or more of powdered tempera paint.

      He never did tell us how he knew Wild Man would be using the shower bright and early that Saturday morning; it remains a mystery for the ages...
    • By Dr.Bedlam
      A feghoot is a subcategory of “joke” and “pun,” and is sort of a fusion of both.
       
      In the case of a standard “joke,” you tell a short story that leads up to a “punchline,” a twist that renders the preceding story funny. A “pun,” on the other hand, is a humorous play on words.
       
      A short joke, for example would be “I went to bed last night, and dreamed I was eating marshmallows. Then I woke up, and my pillow was gone.” A pun, on the other hand, would be, “I’m sick of bad chemistry jokes. Let’s barium.”
       
      A feghoot is both, with the added element that the recipient may or may not know that he is being TOLD a joke; feghoots tend to be considerably longer than ordinary jokes. The laughs come from (a) attempting to spot the clues and put the pieces together before you get to the punchline, or (b) being completely unaware of the joke until the punchline arrives, and it’s a blatant pun.
       
      A feghoot is NOT a shaggy dog story, because shaggy dog stories do not end with puns. A feghoot ALWAYS ends with a pun based on the information provided in the story. If it ends with a pun, it’s a feghoot. Length is arbitrary, but it tends to be longer than most jokes.
       
      TV comedy writer Mark Evanier, for example, told a story on his blog recently that qualifies, in which he mentions that a friend of his was the second lead in a stage production of “Sunset Boulevard,” and sent him a pair of complimentary tickets. Evanier decided to call up a woman he knew and ask if she wanted to go. The lady says, “The big production downtown, starring GLENN CLOSE?” Evanier said that this was so, and the woman broke all records getting to his place, and they went and saw the play and had a great time.
       
      A week later, another friend was visiting, and she sees the playbill on his coffee table. And in a frosty tone, she says “You went and saw Glenn Close without me?” in a voice that could shave the electrons off an atom. Evanier sheepishly admitted it, and the woman says, “You will get more tickets and take me to see Glenn Close.”
       
      Evanier tries to explain that he only had the two complimentary tickets, but the sharp woman is not having any, and thus Evanier has to call his friend and see if more tickets can be had, but he will gladly pay for these, yadda yadda, and tickets are found, and a date is made.
       
      And on the evening in question, our happy couple steps out to the theatre... but upon arrival, there seems to be a problem. People are angry. There are loud voices among the gowns and tuxes. The box office person is looking hunted. It seems that Glenn Close, for whatever reason, will not be appearing tonight; the role will be handled by her understudy, and the crowd is NOT happy about this. One man is shouting that he traveled halfway across the country to see Glenn Close, and now she’s not performing? Another is angry that he paid premium prices for the tickets, and now the main reason for doing so is gone.
       
      The theatre manager comes out and attempts to calm down the crowd, but they aren’t having any. He explains that he cannot FORCE Ms. Close to perform, but the crowd seems to think that he should.
       
      He offers to validate parking, free of charge, but that doesn’t accomplish much.
       
      And finally, in desperation, he whips out a pocket humidor and offers one particularly loud gentleman an expensive cigar.
       
      “I don’t WANT a &%#$& CIGAR!” shouts the angry man. “I want GLENN CLOSE!”
       
      And Evanier, standing nearby, shows the wit -- and wisdom -- that made him a TV comedy writer, and quips, “Cigar, but no Close.”
       
      *rimshot*
       
      If Evanier had ended the story here, it would be a classic example of a feghoot. As it is, the crowd didn’t think he was very funny, and he reports that had he and his date not done a fast fade, he might well have been the first person ever lynched over a bad pun...

      My personal supply of feghoots is limited. Anyone know any?
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