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Froggy the Great

Randomness XV: 'tis a silly place.

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1 hour ago, kristof65 said:

Appreciate the understanding. Your situation sucks worse though. 

I'm betting my MiL won't show up no matter who begs, so no awkwardness there.  She's so self centered that she made barely any effort to see her grandkids at all while we lived in CO, then got mad at me and my wife for "taking two of her grandkids away" when we moved to IA, which is part of the reason my wife isn't speaking to her right now. Right before we moved, she asked if she could take the kids for spring break, since we were moving. We said sure, "but you have to come pick them up, because we're packing up our trailer and cleaning the house that week."  She got mad that we wouldn't make a 9 hour round trip twice during one of the busiest weeks of our lives.   Then we suggested that maybe they could fly there, but she'd have to pay for it, since all our money was tied up in the move - she got mad about that, too.  And then she had the audacity to tell us we kept her from seeing her grandkids a few months ago. 

That's not the first time she's done something like that, but I've started ranting, and I'm digressing from my original thing I wanted to say. 

Anyway, I'm mostly worried that this will cause hard feelings between my wife and her brother. She's closest to him, but he has this blind spot when it comes to understanding how toxic their mom has become to my wife, and his blind spot seems to have gotten bigger in the last couple days as he copes with the loss of a parent. 

 

That's EXACTLY what I'm doing. 

Well, except for the two short sexy ones that REALLY show off her legs.  It will be too cold for those. 

What? Whaddya mean it would also be inappropriate? I have no idea what you're talking about...:devil:


Just got word that the funeral is on Valentine's Day.  I guess my romantic gestures for this Valentine's day are going to be less about romance and more about being as supportive of a spouse as I can be. 

I love my MiL - I can see Megan in her face, and hear Megan in her voice.

 

A single mother that raised a wonderful woman.

 

A woman that turned my wife into a fantasy gamer before she could read. That introduced her to Tolkien and Mercedes Lackey when she did start reading.

 

The Auld Grump - not to mention a willing babysitter when needed.

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@kristof65 I'd leave the decision to invite the MiL to your wife's brother. If she opposes him, that will just make more bad blood, but if she steps aside their relationship will remain solid. And even if her mother does end up coming, your wife can avoid or ignore her. It's stupid to have to deal with people who make everything about them on a day when you're honoring the departed, but, family, amirite? :mellow:

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2 hours ago, buglips*the*goblin said:

 

I would be interested but I don't know if I'm allowed to get up that early.

 

<Knocks on the door at 5:00 am> " @Guindyloo can Buglips come out and play?"

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2 minutes ago, TaleSpinner said:

 

<Knocks on the door at 5:00 am> " @Guindyloo can Buglips come out and play?"

 

I am not responsible for any death or damages that occur if she answers the door before coffee.

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2 minutes ago, buglips*the*goblin said:

 

I am not responsible for any death or damages that occur if she answers the door before coffee.

 

What if I slide a box of dark chocolate covered coffee beans under the door first?

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Just now, TaleSpinner said:

 

<Knocks on the door at 5:00 am> " @Guindyloo can Buglips come out and play?"

No, no, no, friend, you knock on the door at 5am and you are going to have a very angry xenomorph on your hands. But if you arrange it the night before 1. I won't murder him when his alarm wakes me and 2. I won't be stressed out that he has disappeared when I wake up.

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1 minute ago, Guindyloo said:

No, no, no, friend, you knock on the door at 5am and you are going to have a very angry xenomorph on your hands. But if you arrange it the night before 1. I won't murder him when his alarm wakes me and 2. I won't be stressed out that he has disappeared when I wake up.

 

This is a trap.  It's too reasonable to be anything but a trap.  Somebody will pay when you wake up at 5 am and I will be nearest.

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12 minutes ago, buglips*the*goblin said:

 

This is a trap.  It's too reasonable to be anything but a trap.  Somebody will pay when you wake up at 5 am and I will be nearest.

It sounds very much like you're calling me unreasonable. I'm not sure that's the path you want to go down if you're not wanting to be the one to pay.

 

 

 

 

 

:lol: I was about to hit Submit and then I got a vision of this post on the sidebar and how much this is going to add to my reputation for being a woofwoof to all of the people seeing it without context. :lol:

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So I stopped listening to Megadeth after... Risk... so had no idea what the new stuff after that sounded like.  Decided to buy the later ones while rebuilding my CD collection and even though I'm 12 years late to the party... United Abominations is a helluva good album.

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1 hour ago, TheAuldGrump said:

I love my MiL - I can see Megan in her face, and hear Megan in her voice.

I used to really like my MiL. The first 8-10 years my wife and I were together, I got along with her great, and she was pretty supportive of my wife.  But about 10 years ago, something changed.  I'm not sure what exactly, but I think it was related to two things. 
- my MiL is one of these people who takes up a hobby, gets really into it for 2-4 years, and then moves on to something else.  When she moves on, she usually offers the hobby stuff to her kids first, they generally say "No" and then she sells it.  But when she wanted to get rid of her stained glass stuff 12 years ago, this time my wife said yes. She spent two weeks at her mom's learning the basics of stained glass, and we bought all her stuff.   It took about 3-4 years, but my wife started getting good at it and has made a side business of it. 
- My wife and her dad had never been really close, especially since her parents divorced - they'd been cordial, but never really had anything in common.  He was an alcoholic, and she avoided him when he was drinking.  About 10 years ago, he took up stained glass as a hobby himself.  The stained glass was something that drew them together, they eventually started doing craft shows together, and that bond helped him stay sober. 

In hindsight, I think my MiL was growing jealous of her daughter's growing skill and ability to make a business out of a hobby she abandoned, and her growing closer to her father. 

 

 

51 minutes ago, redambrosia said:

@kristof65 I'd leave the decision to invite the MiL to your wife's brother. If she opposes him, that will just make more bad blood, but if she steps aside their relationship will remain solid. And even if her mother does end up coming, your wife can avoid or ignore her. It's stupid to have to deal with people who make everything about them on a day when you're honoring the departed, but, family, amirite? :mellow:

The issue is that my BiL has asked my wife to ask their mom to come. He's already asked their mom, but he thinks that if my wife asks, their mom is more likely to come.  My wife doesn't want to ask at all - she's fine if her brother asks, but she's not going to.   Her brother is pulling the "but we're all family and our mom is all we have left!" card on her.  Which isn't exactly true - they've got a really cool step mom, and their step dad is one of the most chill people I've ever met - nothing gets to him. I digress (again) - I get where he's coming from, and I know neither of them have their wits fully about them right now - I know I wouldn't if it was my dad.   I just hope it doesn't blow up into anything beyond their current stress, and they can forgive/forget when things settle down. 

I'm probably projecting because my aunt and my mom got into it when my grandmother died over a dang quilt, and my mom has only now begun to forgive my aunt, some 6 years later. Worse part about it was it wasn't the two of them arguing over a quilt they each wanted - it was the fact that my aunt brought out all of my grandmother's quilts so each of us grandchildren could choose one - and I hadn't arrived yet, as a result, I got the left over one.   I spent a year trying to explain to my mom that I didn't care which one I got. 

Edited by kristof65
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Eh, that sucks. All I can say is that, if it were me in your wife's shoes, I'd say no and step back. But I've had it with difficult family. I hope everything settles down for you guys.

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3 hours ago, TaleSpinner said:

 

I haven't counted recently but I think I'm at around 700 for North America.  If you add the rest of the World I'm around 1000.

 

I've been thinking about seeing if anyone wants to get up early on Thursday of ReaperCon and go out dawn birding before the Con begins this year. I know @Corporea also bird watches.

 

Me and the birds have an arrangement.  I feed them in the lean months and they pay homage to the sun god in the morning, singing his songs of praise and appeasing him so I dont have to.

 

  I haven't seen the dawn in 2 years.  I have not missed it.

 

2 hours ago, kristof65 said:

Appreciate the understanding. Your situation sucks worse though. 

I'm betting my MiL won't show up no matter who begs, so no awkwardness there.  She's so self centered that she made barely any effort to see her grandkids at all while we lived in CO, then got mad at me and my wife for "taking two of her grandkids away" when we moved to IA, which is part of the reason my wife isn't speaking to her right now. Right before we moved, she asked if she could take the kids for spring break, since we were moving. We said sure, "but you have to come pick them up, because we're packing up our trailer and cleaning the house that week."  She got mad that we wouldn't make a 9 hour round trip twice during one of the busiest weeks of our lives.   Then we suggested that maybe they could fly there, but she'd have to pay for it, since all our money was tied up in the move - she got mad about that, too.  And then she had the audacity to tell us we kept her from seeing her grandkids a few months ago. 

That's not the first time she's done something like that, but I've started ranting, and I'm digressing from my original thing I wanted to say. 

Anyway, I'm mostly worried that this will cause hard feelings between my wife and her brother. She's closest to him, but he has this blind spot when it comes to understanding how toxic their mom has become to my wife, and his blind spot seems to have gotten bigger in the last couple days as he copes with the loss of a parent. 

 

That's EXACTLY what I'm doing. 

Well, except for the two short sexy ones that REALLY show off her legs.  It will be too cold for those. 

What? Whaddya mean it would also be inappropriate? I have no idea what you're talking about...:devil:


Just got word that the funeral is on Valentine's Day.  I guess my romantic gestures for this Valentine's day are going to be less about romance and more about being as supportive of a spouse as I can be. 

Sometimes the most romantic thing you can do is be the most supportive person you can be. 

 

My MIL went has a degenerative brain disease which resulted in her turning in my FIL to the police as a famous serial killer... 3 times... with over 200 cubic feet of 'evidence', including yarn, newspapers from foreign countries, a frying pan and other interesting tidbits.  She has also accused him of unsolved bank robberies and terrorist actions, none of which he has had any part of.  She is now in a memory care ward where she feels safe.  She also cannot remember anything that happened for more than 5 minutes or anything that happened in the last 5 years.  other than that she is perfectly easy to talk to and has a really great memory for the family genealogy.  Conversations are interesting.

 

And they are still married, go figure

 

 

37 minutes ago, buglips*the*goblin said:

 

I am not responsible for any death or damages that occur if she answers the door before coffee.

I would bring coffee

 

8 minutes ago, kristof65 said:

The issue is that my BiL has asked my wife to ask their mom to come. He's already asked their mom, but he thinks that if my wife asks, their mom is more likely to come.  My wife doesn't want to ask at all - she's fine if her brother asks, but she's not going to.   Her brother is pulling the "but we're all family and our mom is all we have left!" card on her.  Which isn't exactly true - they've got a really cool step mom, and their step dad is one of the most chill people I've ever met - nothing gets to him. I digress (again) - I get where he's coming from, and I know neither of them have their wits fully about them right now - I know I wouldn't if it was my dad.   I just hope it doesn't blow up into anything beyond their current stress, and they can forgive/forget when things settle down. 

I'm probably projecting because my aunt and my mom got into it when my grandmother died over a dang quilt, and my mom has only now begun to forgive my aunt, some 6 years later. Worse part about it was it wasn't the two of them arguing over a quilt they each wanted - it was the fact that my aunt brought out all of my grandmother's quilts so each of us grandchildren could choose one - and I hadn't arrived yet, as a result, I got the left over one.   I spent a year trying to explain to my mom that I didn't care which one I got. 

Well, see above.  I agree with the consensus,  if he wants her to come, he can convince her to come.  your wife should not be guilting her mother into doing anything.  I generally have an issue with people who pull the 'all we have left' card, its usually an indication that they feel they havent done enough and are now trying to make up for it by showing off their desire to be a family again.   Let the cards fall and be prepared with a good meal and something fun to do on the weekend.

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7 minutes ago, kristof65 said:

The issue is that my BiL has asked my wife to ask their mom to come. He's already asked their mom, but he thinks that if my wife asks, their mom is more likely to come.  My wife doesn't want to ask at all - she's fine if her brother asks, but she's not going to.   Her brother is pulling the "but we're all family and our mom is all we have left!" card on her.

Maybe I've missed this but... Why does BiL want their mother (your MiL) to come to the funeral?

 

I have never enjoyed funerals.  Pressuring someone into coming to a funeral seems to me like a bad idea.  "Hey, come to this solemn, miserable occasion because I want you to." is the sort of invitation I'd reject outright.  I'd much rather throw a party, not a party to rejoice in death but an opportunity to reminisce, to tell the good stories of the deceased you want (everyone) to remember, to have one good last party to remember them by.

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3 minutes ago, Xiwo Xerase said:

Maybe I've missed this but... Why does BiL want their mother (your MiL) to come to the funeral?

 

I have never enjoyed funerals.  Pressuring someone into coming to a funeral seems to me like a bad idea.  "Hey, come to this solemn, miserable occasion because I want you to." is the sort of invitation I'd reject outright.  I'd much rather throw a party, not a party to rejoice in death but an opportunity to reminisce, to tell the good stories of the deceased you want (everyone) to remember, to have one good last party to remember them by.

Agree. If my loved ones have a sad party when I kick it (of old age) I'm gonna come back and haunt them! 

 

What they should do is have a dnd party where my ghost is the BBEG!

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6 minutes ago, redambrosia said:

Agree. If my loved ones have a sad party when I kick it (of old age) I'm gonna come back and haunt them! 

 

What they should do is have a dnd party where my ghost is the BBEG!

 

I fully intend to come back and haunt people, things, whatever I can.  A stinky ethereal spirit, like a nasty fart that just won't air out.  My preference would be to haunt elevators and see who I can get into trouble. 

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