Ardice Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Dang, I shouldn't have read this topic....now I must go searching through saved emails for all those funny lines.... Okay, here you go Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..." I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling? My reality check bounced. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience. Everything can be filed under 'miscellaneous'. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. To err is human; to forgive is not our policy. Duct tape is like 'the force,' It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. I am in shape. Round's a shape... I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Canadians is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you. Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. Okay, I'm going to stop there... Enjoy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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