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Have you heard this one?


Lady Tam
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A line of married couples is waiting at the Pearly Gates.  The first couple steps up to St. Peter and requests entrance.  'Wait just a minute," says St. Peter, consulting his book.  "It says here that you, sir, were overly fond of liquor--even obsessed with it.  It got so bad, I might add, that you married a woman named Brandi!  I'm sorry, but you'll have to go downstairs."

 

The first couple turns away, dejected, and the second couple steps up.  "Wait just a minute," says St. Peter again.  "It says here that you, sir, were a miser, and that you hoarded money and became obsessed with the filthy lucre.  It got so bad, I might add, that you married a woman named Penny!  I'm sorry, but you'll have to go downstairs."

 

The second couple turns away and the third couple steps up.  But before St. Peter can say a word, the husband shakes his head and turns away, disgusted.  "C'mon, Fanny, we don't have a chance..."

 

 

 

Infinity

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I was reminded.

 

A friend of mine was running Girlfirend 3.0. But the thing is, it has a time limit built in, and starts to cause problems if you don't eventually upgrade to Fiancee 1.1. Which then insists on being upgraded to Wife 1.0. Wife 1.0 is a /notorious/ resource hog. But worse; he tried to run Mistress 6.66 at the same time; they auto-detected each other and mutually uninstalled.

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The Washington D.C. Mugger  

 

Late one night in the Washington D.C. a mugger wearing a ski mask

jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his

ribs.

 

"Give me your money," he demanded.

 

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this - I'm a US

Congressman!"

 

"In that case," replied the robber, "give me MY money!"

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PIPE SPECIFICATIONS

 

All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal centered around the hole.

 

All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length.

 

All pipe is to be tubular in shape.

 

Outer-diameter of all pipes must exceed the inner-diameter.

 

All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam, or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.

 

All pipe is to be supplied without rust, as this can easily be applied at the job site.

 

All pipe over 500 feet in length must have the words "Long Pipe" clearly painted on each end so that the fitter will know that it is a long pipe.

 

All pipe over two miles in length must also have these words painted on the middle so that the fitter will not have to walk the full length of the pipe to determine if it is long pipe or not.

 

All pipe over six inches in diameter is to have the words "Large Pipe" painted on it, so that the fitter will not use it for small pipe.

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A blind man enters a ladies bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. after sitting there for a while he yells to the bartender "HEY, WANNA HEAR A BLONDE JOKE?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

 

Then the woman next to him says "Before you tell that joke sir, you should know 5 things:

 

1. The bartender is a blonde.

2. The bouncer is a blonde gal also.

3. "I'm a 6', 200 lb blond girl with a black belt in Karate."

4. The woman sitting next to me is a blonde and is a professional weightlifter.

5. The lady to your right is a blonde and a topgun wrestler.

 

"Now, think seriously Mister, do you really want to tell that joke?"

 

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and declares "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it 5 times!!"

 

LT

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A brunette, a red head and a blonde are arrested in a small country.  They are taken out at dawn to be shot.  The brunette is first.  As the captain is saying Ready, aim.... She yells Flood!  The men look around and she runs for it.  The red head is next.  Again, Ready, aim... The red head yells Earthquake!  Everyone looks around, she escapes too.  The blonde is brought out.  Ready, aim... She yells Fire!
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I went to the store last night, and was in there for only

about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said,

"Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"

 

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called

him a pencil-necked jerk. He glared at me and started writing

another ticket for my having worn tires! So I called him a

horse's behind. He finished the second ticket and put it on

the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a 3rd

ticket!

 

This went back and forth for about 10 minutes, ticket after ticket.  Finally I decided it was a losing battle so I just shut up and watched him write his final ticket, smirk at me and pull off into traffic.  Then I went around the corner, got into my car and went home.

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