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So frustrated


Bill_Adcock
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My girlfriend is a dancer. It's what she loves and I support her in it as much as I can. But she's starting to have joint trouble, her cartilage is wearing away, and so she probably doesn't have more than a decade to spend dancing. And now her [CENSORED] of a jazz dancing instructor has gone and made it worse.

 

I just got off the phone with her, and she's in pain, though it's only about a 2 on a scale from 1 to 10. While doing a split, she couldn't comfortably go all the way down. so this lobotomized nimrod of a dance teacher gets behind her, put their foot on her back and pushed her all the way down, dislocating my girlfriend's knee. Loudly. Everyone around her, except apparently this instructor, heard it pop out and then back in. She's on the ground in tears from the shock and pain of it, and this instructor says, "Oh, you'll thank me for that later."

 

At this point I'm in a rage, swearing up and down and promising Crom that if this instructor ever does that again their head will part company with their shoulders...*ahem* and she's telling me not to let my temper get the best of me, she'd rather I not go to prison and experience the *joy* of a prison shower. So I forcibly bring myself out of my rage.

 

She loves to dance and I've promised her that I will never try and force her to quit. But I've urged her before that if the pain intensifies - just the general pain from the cartilage and whatnot - that she seriously considers stopping, and she's promised she will and that's good enough for me. I trust her to make the right decision when the time comes. But after this I asked her, if this wormpuke instructor does that again she consider leaving this class (which she'd really rather not, because it's a prerequisite for much better classes that she really wants to take) and dig her teeth into the instructor's ankle on the way out.

 

I really can't ask any more of her than that. It's frustrating though, I'm irresistably compelled to comfort her, to alleviate her pain, to do whatever is necessary to make her feel better, and I can't effectively do that from here. Failing that, I want to grind into the dust the sources of all her pain and unhappiness, and I can't do that without incurring a lengthy prison sentence.

 

Stupid barbarian chivalry. I don't really mean that - Without this code of honor driving me I'd be nothing and less than nothing. It's been the source of all my happiness.

 

I'm sorry, I just had to get this off my chest.

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Dang! That's pretty abusive. Sounds like if nothing else she needs to stay the hell away from that guy. You're doing the right thing, all you can do is be supportive. You don't want to get between her and dancing anymore than you want her to get between you and your minis. We all gotta have an artistic expression.

 

Good luck, and I hope all works out OK.

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Stupid barbarian chivalry. I don't really mean that - Without this code of honor driving me I'd be nothing and less than nothing. It's been the source of all my happiness.

 

You love the one you love, you never want to see her hurt, it's natural to want to protect her from pain, and you're not afraid to admit it. Nothing stupid about it.

 

I can understand the frustration. It's not a guy thing, or a meathead testosterone trip, it's just what we do. We protect the ones we love, in every arena.

 

"Oh, you'll thank me for that later." Grrr…what a schmuckmeat.

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If it make you feel any better my first reaction would have been very similar (I won't bore you with the tale of how the sobs my wife worked for canned her a month after our duaghter was born and what I wanted to do). Its frustrating and hurts but you did the smart thing. As tempting as it would be to introduce his knee to a bat it really doesn't do either of you any good. Stay strong, be there for her and support any choices she makes. Chivalry is not a bad thing, or meatheadedness, when it is in defense of those we love. Hang in there and we are all here for you if you need to vent more.

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Sounds to me like she needs to find a new dance instructor. It's dance for pete's sake..not Paris Island.

 

As for cartilage and arthritis and all that, you are right to be concerned. The lady who lived next door to me growing up was a retired dance instructor. Ballet en-pointe destroyed her ankles, and though she was still mobile, she suffered alot of near-crippling joint pain in her feet and legs.

 

Pain is the body's way of saying "hey..slow down a bit".

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Good for you in staying stronger willed then I would have been! I can not blame you for wanting to protect your girlfriend from pain I would want the same!

 

If someone had done that to my wife.. there would have been no hesitation what so ever.. I would have decked the guy. Be glad you didn't! It is not worth it.. as much as it would have felt good.. the long run it wouldn't trust me on that :(

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Bill: Here is my advice. Obviously there were witnesses to this sort of treatment. She should turn him in and find a different dance instructor. She should also see a Doctor to affirm that she has knee problems and that her kneecap really did go out of place from this guy. I have no idea if this creep is here in NY state or if your GF is even at college with you, but an offense like that I believe is considered a minor assault. I would in her case, see a doctor immediately and file charges. I don't know if it's assault charges or harrasment charges she can file. I would seriously report it though. That miscreant should not be a Dance instructor.

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Yeah it's in-state...no she's not at college with me. She plans to go to Fredonia for theatre. She doesn't want to see a doctor because any admission of pain on her part and her parents will yank her from all her dance classes, and she wants to put that off as long as possible. She's extremely strong-willed and unless it makes her absolutely miserable she will stick it out to the end. I can't tell if she's being admirable or simply muleheaded in this case.

 

I would have decked that mealy-mouthed bashi-bazouk (look at me, so irritated I'm slipping into Haddockisms) had I been present. As is, the meathead was at least an hour from Geneseo, if not more.

 

As for taking a bat to the instructor's knee...it'd be poetic justice, and I'm a big fan of that. But Christine says no, so I can't. And seeing as how I'd probably use a warhammer instead of a bat...that's probably for the best.

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Well, as long as the injury isn't to a body part used in dance, then she can ignore medical evaluation with no possible compromise ot her ability to dance for years to come. Surely compounding a knee problem by avoidance is the best course a dancer could take.

 

Sarcasm aside, she needs to get treated if necessary, or the decade you estimated could dwindle to nothing with further injury. If she doesn't want her parents to know, she can file through the instructor's insurance if his action was indeed witnessed and attributable.

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Bill, if she continues without treatment and therapy, her problems will get worse, quicker.

 

And that man needs to have charges brought against him. I'm certain her parents love her enough to understand that his action was assault and he could have completely crippled her. If anything, if this is in a school, he needs to be reported to the administration and let them take action against him. No one needs a class so badly that they end up a cripple for the rest of their life.

 

I dislocated my knee over 15 years ago and I *still* suffer from it, and I had my leg in an immobilizer for six weeks. I did not follow doctor's orders, I didn't follow through with the exercises, and have ended up with chronic knee pain. Also, by seeing a doctor about her pain, there may be some therapy that can help her, either medicine she can take or exercises she can do that would help her live without so much pain.

 

Irregardless of how your girlfriend wants to treat her body, however, this so called instructor doesn't need to be one anymore. Charges should be brought against him and his employer informed. She needs to realize that she is probably not his only victim and he quite likely has hurt other dancers to the point that they can no longer dance.

 

Supporting her dreams is one thing, supporting her to allow this barbaric cretin to continue to teach just because she "needs" this class is another. The class can continue with a new instructor. Her knees and joints cannot take such abuse. None of my dance or skating instructors ever tried such a thing with me, nor would they dare because they knew it did more harm than good.

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That guy sounds like an idiot. It's really hard finding the balance between being supportive and trying to help. Also while this is deffinitely mostly about her, you shouldn't simply ignore your own feelings either. If you're having trouble with her continuing to train with this jerk you should tell her, your worries are also important and valid.

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Well, first of all. I am very glad I wasn't there. For one thing, he would be charged with assault against her, and I would be charged for assault against him. Speaking as someone who *does* have knee pains, I know that when your joint makes a popping sound, its time to give it a rest.

 

Seriously, we're talking bloody teeth on the floor when I was done with them. Nothing like pain to teach a dumb animal.

 

I would go to the administration immediately over the incident. That is, as they say 'unacceptible behavior'.

 

Now, I must go forth and vent the knee-jerk gut reaction of 'raaar! Female Injured! Stormhammer SMASH!'.

 

--LSH

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The body is a machine, and needs maintenance. There is 'good' pain from getting into shape, the general burn of muscles getting the flab out, and the bad pain of injury.

 

Proper treatment and management WILL extend her career, and improve her enjoyment.

 

1) Keep track of medical costs

 

2) Get statements from witnesses.

 

3) If you think it merits the terms of assault, get the police involved.

 

4) If medical expenses go above the threshhold of what's needed for a small claims trial, take his butt to court. You should not pay for an injury he causes. Heck, if you can, take him for future earnings.

 

5) What he did was wrong. At the very least it qualifies as assault. File a police report against him

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Well, first of all. I am very glad I wasn't there. For one thing, he would be charged with assault against her, and I would be charged for assault against him. Speaking as someone who *does* have knee pains, I know that when your joint makes a popping sound, its time to give it a rest.

 

Seriously, we're talking bloody teeth on the floor when I was done with them. Nothing like pain to teach a dumb animal.

 

I would go to the administration immediately over the incident. That is, as they say 'unacceptible behavior'.

 

Now, I must go forth and vent the knee-jerk gut reaction of 'raaar! Female Injured! Stormhammer SMASH!'.

 

--LSH

 

I've got knee problems as well - the ligaments holding my kneecaps in place are really weakly attached, resulting in a good jolt to the joint sending me patella on a trip of almost 180-degrees. And it does it really loudly too - I've gotten to the point where it doesn't bother me, it slips right back into place and it's stiff for a little while after, but when it went out in front of a friend, the sight of it shifting around with an audible "crunchclick" made him lose his lunch.

 

My problem's genetic too, which makes it that much more irritating. Not much can be done about that.

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