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What Your Army Says About You

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Was going through some of my old stuff recently and found this. Thought it might be amusing to people here, and if there are any Warlord players who want to do a version, I'd love to see it.


Irregular Knight Armies

Compulsive, explosive, aggressive people who probably ate too much sugar-loaded breakfast cereal as children. Advice: Seek professional help soonest.

Alternate type: Wimpy closet barbarian. Wears pocket protector, hip-slung calculator and thick glasses. Has Boris Vallejo posters in bedroom. Expresses twisted unsatisfied adolescent urges of various types through his forces. Advice: Past life therapy might help, apart from that you're on your own.


Pike Armies

Romantic intellectuals. The kind of people who know pi to the 14th digit but also like to watch those sappy MGM movies from the 1930s. These people chose their armies based on pure emotion but put a lot of thought into how they can actualy make these armies effective ("Maybe if I intersperse the Warband with the Bows and the Pikes on Tuesdays in an echelon formation with Light Horse screening and Psiloi on the flanks..."). Advice: Give up and get a real army.


Roman armies

Compulsive administrative types who get deeply emotionally wounded if their armies are not EXACTLY lined up right. These sad individuals are deeply troubled, having blown out over 70% of their brain cells trying to read primary authors in the original Latin. The Late Imperial Roman subtype is particularly well represented in federal prisons. Advice: Wait for the next DBM supplement and the Romans will get even better.


Light Horse armies

Fun-loving, totally irrational people. These are the kind of folks who tend to buy red sportscars and move to California when tey turn 40. Watch out for those using Irregular Knights (X), though, this is almost always indicative of deep self-hatred.


Cavalry armies

These people just can't make up their minds. Cavalry units are the closest thing to vanilla troops in the game and the players are similarly boring and colorles. Advice: Get a life.


Bow armies

Passive aggressive people - "We don't HAVE to be in contact, I can shoot you and you can't do anything about it". These are the kind of people who like to put that one unit in ambush and screw up all your carefully made plans and then sit there smugly smiling for the next three hours. Advice: Don't play against people substantially biger or better armed than you.


Regular Knight armies

These people are not too bright, but identify strongly with causes such as truth, justice and the American way (like Superman or a D&D Paladin). Advice: Stick with your army, it's easy to use.


Elephant and other weird armies

Misfits and class clowns. These people show up with Mound Builder or Siamese just to see what reaction they can get from other people. It goes without saying that these people are deeply sick. Advice: Heavy-duty couch time is needed.


Warband armies

Substantially intellectually challenged people who haven't read the rules. These people make your average Regular Knights player look like Stephen Hawking by comparison. Hellooooo??? Don't you know warband SUCK? Advice: Try checkers.

Alternate type: Repressed suicidal. Vicariously lives out self-destructive (Thanatos) impulses through the game. Advice: Keep playing the game no matter what...

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My two favorite armies are HYW English (archer heavy) and HYW French (lots of knights), so I wonder what that says about me.


My 3rd choice would of course be Late Medieval "One of each, please" German...I wonder what that says...





At least you are sticking with a period, though. :)

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What is that abouit regular knights? and cavalry/?? and the IRREGULAR KNIGHTS??? cavalry as vanilla!!???


who wrote this??? :)


so, maybe i'm just a boring impulsive overly childish agressor type who needs a couch and a shrink!


funny, my DBA army is a Han army!!!


but as an end comment...




(not jumping into the mold or anyting...)

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iregular knights...dwarves... i can see the conection there, but the irreg keniggt's and dwarf Visuals fail to connect.


How's this:


Dwarves: hates seeing the same problem come up twice, takes it nice and slow unless they want the masserati out of the garage, fuzzy and loves it, social drunks...




yeah, someone should do one of these for warlord....

or fantasy in general.

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