Ladies: Engagement Rings!

[mooseyjoe]

I intend to buy a diamond engagement ring (unless I am asked not to). It may be useless, it may have no value, but you are talking to a guy who spends his disposable income on toy soldiers. If it will make her happy, then it is worth it. Now I'm sure I won't be able to buy one of these giant rocks with no flaws and their own mortgage, but I will buy the nicest thing I can afford. No more, no less. The same holds true if I am buying a saphire or emerald or some gravel glued to a key ring. I certainly hope that my future wife isn't the sort of vulture who would refuse me based on the ring I offer, but that doesn't change that I want to give the best that I can. If the best that I can offer is something with a value inflated by current tradition and a foreign cartel, then fine, its still the best I can offer.

 

 

Part of what makes the diamond special is it's "lack of value". It says " I think you are so amazing that I am willing to waste this big fat wad of cash just to find a worthy way of asking you to marry me. You rock my world, here's a pretty rock".

[Enchantra]

Up until a century ago diamonds were a VERY RARE occurrence in Engagement rings. Stones commonly found in rings were sapphires, emeralds, garnets, ruby, Amethyst, pearls, lapis, jade and now and then an opal. Opals however were on the rare side due to the fact that somehow they got the branding of being "unlucky" in an engagement ring.

 

Various stones had different meanings and through the centuries people have based their choice of a ring on the stone's meaning...

 

Sapphires: Protection, wards off the evil eye, and is also said to change color if the wearer should be unfaithful.

Garnets: Symbolize faithfullness, love.

Pearls: Faithfullness, fertility.

Emerald: Antidote for poisons and wards off demons (Really old meaning there from the middle ages.) Thought to Sharpen intelligence and wit.

Ruby: Preserve bodily and mental health

Lapis: Thought to alleviate melancholy

Jade: Symbolizes the heart.

Amethyst: Keep from harm and disease (middle ages) calms the intoxication of love and drink.

 

A few years back I had the luck to view a ring a friend had inherited. It had been her great-grandmother's engagement ring. The woman had been dead many years now but the ring was being passed on to her. The ring was a white pearl flanked on either side by two small faceted sapphires and the band was yellow gold. The cost when it was purchased back in 1904 was $50. To us $50 isn't a lot of cash. In 1904, depending on what your job was, $10 was a week's wages, so it took a lot of saving to get $50. The friend on a hunch took the ring to get it appraised so she knew what to insure it for if insurance was required. Turns out she had on that ring a Pacific Giant Oyster Pearl and the Sapphires were top notch Burmese Sapphires. The worth of the ring in our dollars today? $600. Diamonds just were not part of the scheme at that time. Sure the rich could afford them and purchased them in all manner of jewelry, however for average Joe Shmoe, Diamonds weren't the norm. It's only through advertising and societal changes that Diamonds have increased in popularity and become something people want.

[Cadaver]

If the best that I can offer is something with a value inflated by current tradition and a foreign cartel, then fine, its still the best I can offer.

You're still a little young so I'll give you some advice from someone who has been around a lot, and has managed to stay in a serious relationship for 13 years.

 

Being there when she needs you, being there to talk to, to pick her up when she's down, cherishing her, to hold her, to love her even if she puts on a few pounds, to nurse her when she's sick, learning to compromise, learning to truly listen, being honest, being true, to help her face problems she really doesn't want to face alone, being the one she eagerly goes home to, that is the best you can offer.

The rock is merely a trinket, a pretty bauble.

A good woman who honestly loves will take you over a diamond any day.

 

Ask any woman on these or other boards and they will agree diamonds pale in comparison.

Unless of course, they just want a diamond.

[mooseyjoe]

And I try to be all those things, but baubles are nice too. The diamond comes with me, like the toy in a happy meal.

 

 

It's not that I intend to choose someone who is there for the diamond. It's more that a diamond (or any other nice gift) is an extra way of saying I love you.

[Bel_Amore]

I think you should go with whatever the girl wants to wear. Since she will be wearing this the rest of her life. The friend of ours that Krztoff mentioned who proposed with the $200 ring, they are actually quite happy with their ring, that is exactly what she wanted. I have another friend who has a princess cut sapphire as a center stone with two small princess cut diamonds on the sides. She loves it! That is her "dream ring." So when proposing I say go with what that girl wants and what you can afford. My ring happens to be diamond but that is what I wanted. I was definitely open to other stones but I never found on I like more than this diamond ring. We went shopping together and stopped into a store for about half an hour, I tried on a few sizes, looked at a few cuts and stones and narrowed it down to two rings as my favorites. Chris went back later, without telling me when, and bought the ring.

 

I don't believe the ring has to be flashy, and I do agree that if the girl just wants a flashy ring no matter what the cost, then she needs to be kicked in the head. lol. There are ways to get around the flashy price. Like my ring for example, I love princess cut and I wanted a princess cut for my center stone. This is when we discovered the wonderful princessa cut, which is four small princess cut diamonds arranged to look like one big princess cut diamond. Definitely dropped the price on the ring. I am sure you could get any stone cut like this.

 

 

as far as 2 months salary, I think my ring was approximately 2 months salary, but we were college students working 20-25 hours a week! I did help Chris pay for my ring, from very early in our relationship we helped each other out financially. I'd help him with the ring payments if he was a little short and he'd help me with my car payments if I was a little short. give and take. thats what it is all about!

[smokingwreckage]

The whole "opals are unlucky" thing was invented by diamond merchants, riding on the fact that opals can and do change colour on a dead person's hand- they're like a real classy mood ring, I hear, and respond to changes in temperature.

 

Black opals though, how awesome are they?

 

But no, sapphire for my dear wife. It just works. Well it did. There was an accident. We are in the market for a new ring.

[Enchantra]

The whole "opals are unlucky" thing was invented by diamond merchants, riding on the fact that opals can and do change colour on a dead person's hand- they're like a real classy mood ring, I hear, and respond to changes in temperature.

 

Actually according to George Frederick Kunz, a leading gemologist back in his time, in his book The Curious Lore of Precious Stones copyright 1913,

 

"There can be little doubt that much of the modern superstition regarding the supposed unlucky quality of the opal owes its origin to a careless reading of Sir Walter Scott's novel, "Anne of Geierstein." ... Lady Hermione's gem was an enchanted stone just as its owner was a product of enchantment, and it's peculiarities depended entirely upon its mysterious character, which might equally well have been attributed to a diamond, a ruby, or a sapphire. The life of the stone was bound up with the life of Hermione; it sparkled when she was gay, it shot out red gleams when she was angry; and when a few drops of holy water were sprinkled over it, they quenched its radiance. Hermione fell into a swoon, was carried to her chamber, and the next day nothing but a small heap of ashes remained on the bed whereon she had been laid."

 

1913 was well before the whole "Diamonds are Forever" campaign. The superstition around Opal is one you cannot blame on Diamond merchants.

 

Medieval beliefs have the Opal helping to cure conditions of the eye, warding off evil eye, and being worn by blonde haired women to keep their hair from turning grey, and being used by Royalty as a means of protection.

[Alisandra]

As another stone alternative, you might want to look at tanzanite. Shades of blue, very pretty, but pricey.

 

Note of Warning, Tanzanite is a _extreamly_ stoft stone, It can be gouged with a fingernail.

 

 

Obsidian or Hematite make a cool ring in my book. Not as a stone in the ring, but as the material of the ring.

 

Both are pretty, but are easy to Shatter. Hematite particularly. I can't wear it at all because It is prone to break with out warning. (For those Who work with Stones, Hematite is very suseptable to negative energy.)

[Ayin]

As another stone alternative, you might want to look at tanzanite. Shades of blue, very pretty, but pricey.

 

Note of Warning, Tanzanite is a _extreamly_ stoft stone, It can be gouged with a fingernail.

 

I did not know that! I've only seen tanzanite in pictures or behind glass. Ok then, not so good for wearing every day for the rest of your life!

[Evilbob]

As another stone alternative, you might want to look at tanzanite. Shades of blue, very pretty, but pricey.

 

also, its does this wierd explody thing. If while seting it or if you knock your hand on something, it doesn't so much crack, or chip as fracture, kinda like a wineglass.

 

Getting people convinced that you need to spend two months of salary on an engagement ring and that anything less is not good enough is simply genius.

 

The best part is, it is now 6 months salay "How else can 6 months salary last forever?"

And if you have a crappy, low paying job, you get to spend less (this was pointed out by my husband, before we got engaged, when he was unemployed).

 

 

Part of what makes the diamond special is it's "lack of value". It says " I think you are so amazing that I am willing to waste this big fat wad of cash just to find a worthy way of asking you to marry me. You rock my world, here's a pretty rock".

 

And if she likes diamonds, sparkly, shiny, clear, sparkly rocks, then you should get her a diamond. As a jeweler I will give this advise, smaller is better if you can get a more colorless, higher clarity stone.

a 1 ct. diamond that is yellow tinged or has a big black bogie in it will suck in every way comapred to a 1/4 ct. diamond that is VVS1-VS2 (clarity) and near colorless or colorless. The sheer amount of sparkle is so much more, and if there is a fla, in a 1/4 ct stonre its not on display like it is in a big rock.

 

.

A few years back I had the luck to view a ring a friend had inherited. It had been her great-grandmother's engagement ring. The woman had been dead many years now but the ring was being passed on to her. The ring was a white pearl flanked on either side by two small faceted sapphires and the band was yellow gold.

 

You'll notice that the pearl didn't have diamonds with it. Superstition is that pearls and diamonds together will 'kill your love' in some cases figuritivly, in some literally. Don't know when it started, but its a no-no.

 

The whole "opals are unlucky" thing was invented by diamond merchants, riding on the fact that opals can and do change colour on a dead person's hand- they're like a real classy mood ring, I hear, and respond to changes in temperature.

1913 was well before the whole "Diamonds are Forever" campaign. The superstition around Opal is one you cannot blame on Diamond merchants.

 

This superstition actually dates back to the plague. Due to the changes in temperature in a persons body before death, it would kill the color and sparkle in an opal. One of the fear about getting an opal ring was so the husband could tell if you were about to kick the bucket, and ditch out. Opals finally started being more acceptable after Queen Victoria's time. People like to impersonate royalties trends.

[wyrmgear]

What does the guy get?

 

I kid; in my first and my second marriage both of my intendeds bought me a 'promise ring'. We never bought overly much into the tradition thing as much as the 'what does our heart tell us' thing.

 

In both marriages we bought our rings together too. My ex-wife liked diamonds so that is what she selected. My wife loves (Loves I tells ya!) tanzanite so that is what she selected (she is well aware of the physical qualities of the stone, but loves it just the same).

 

As a side note, both my wife and my ex-wife proposed to me, so I was not challenged with the same dilemma that most guys have- trying to find the right thing in secret and make a big surprise of it.

 

So, uhm.. yeah.. I'm not a woman and I offered probably nothing helpful.... my apologies for that and I wish you the best of luck! <<scampers off into the shadows...>>

[Dilvish the Deliverer]

What does the guy get?

 

I got a grill. And her. I still think I got the better deal.

[Jubilee]

My husband and I picked out our rings together. I had done a bit of online browsing to learn about gem cuts and settings. What I would have preferred was something with amethyst & garnet, but I was unable to find anything I liked with those gems together and we weren't inclined to have something custom made. However, I found a ring I liked very much that happened to have a diamond so that is what we went with. I don't think it cost more than $400-$600, possibly the $600 was for both our rings..

 

I would have felt it was a serious waste of money if we had spent anymore than that on the rings (I say "we" but in reality he makes alot more money than I do and pays for most of the bills and probably was technically the one to pay off that bill).

 

/ali

 

ps. I guess my advice is to pick it out together. I can't imagine buying a ring and asking someone to make such a life-changing decision without giving her some advance warning and talking about it before hand. When my brother asked his current wife if she would marry him, he didn't know if she would say yes! It boggles my mind.. You'd think that sort of thing would come up in conversation??

 

There is, however, a jewelry store (shane company) that has radio adds with a special engagement ring where you can bring it in and exchange it for something else your bride-to-be picks out later. I think you buy the diamond but the setting it is in is considered 'rented' so to speak. That's possibly a good option if you're sure she'd want a diamond but don't know what kind of setting to get..

[Helltown]

Whoever said that opals are unlucky never told my great-grandfather that. I've got my great grandmother's engagement ring, it's a small, white opal with two diamond chips in a simple, yellow gold setting. It's beautiful and my most precious piece of jewelry, any would-be Mr. Helltown would do well offering up something nice and simple like it (if I can't talk him into something a lil' more practical... like a new microwave).

[M. Eversberg II]

I don't know how I would react to being proposed to by my significant other...

 

M.