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best Customer Service form letter ever


SaintRigger
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Got this in regard to a question about a product I had earlier -

 

"Dear {insert customer name here}

Thank you for your interest in {Product Name}. At this time, we are

{select one} Unable/Unwilling to answer your request because of {select

one} Legal reasons/Supply chain problems/Zombies.

Sincerely,

 

Bryan Stiltz"

 

YAY! ::D: ::D: ::D:

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I noted late last year that if the weather trends continued (each year making the previous years farming catastrophe look mild by comparison) that the only thing really left was a zombie outbreak. We'll be glad we got that new harvester THEN! Set the blade to neck height and keep an eye on your fuel....

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Sorry Miss, we won't be able to deliver to you tomorrow due to the large number of undead that are currently surrounding our business right now. If we are able to remove the threat within a few days, we will contact you to select a new delivery day.

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It is one of the occupational hazards.

 

I should like to point out that there is an actual Zombie Uprising Preparedness Policy at Reaper. We all have our roles and responsibilites pre-defined. My job is to board the 2 glass doors. We will be able to live off the snack machine for a few days while we use the tools and equipment inside the shop to craft weapons able to extricate us to a more long-term defensible position.

 

Luckily, we have never had to enact our plan, but we do have occasional Drills. Sadly, our crew "eater" (the employee we all picked to eat if the food ran out and we were still not free) recently left for a new job, so we're looking for a new one. Funny that, after being told you get to be the eater, most people with that assingment leave within a few weeks. Some people have no sense of duty! :lol:

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Hrmm.. a Zombie Uprising Preparedness Plan.. I think that would be pretty easy here:

 

Employees and/or owners will retrieve the Security Devices and proceed to bash in zombie skulls in order to best retrieve their wallets. Please ring all money procured this way under department 20, less hazard pay of $5 per zombie. If phone lines are operational, please run credit/debit cards only on the ones without cash. If time allows, run all credit/debit cards and retain receipts for hazard pay determination. If phone lines are inop, run all cards through the impression machine for hand-punch at a later date. $200 bonus for anyone ensuring the zombies find Ron's ex-wife.

 

That about covers it, I think... Oh the Security Devices... I store my softball bats in the loft during the off-season..

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