Beowulfthehunter Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 Ok I am sure I will get some grief for this, but after 30 years I am sick of being single. I never really dated much, a few hook ups during college, but for the past few years it has just been me. I am not really a social guy, can't stand church, and don't drink, so clubs, bars, and religions functions are out. Where does that leave me? Dating sites. Now it is my biggest fear that I will be like those loosers I see in the library who live in their parent's basements searching for hookups. Sorry not me, is it too much to ask for a 30 something, single, child free, educated female, without too many emotional issues. That being said, I am tempted to go the route of the dating site, but what are some good ones out there, do they actully work, or am I deluding myself? Post away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orcsoul Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 I'd stay away from eharmony if you don't want religion to be an overbearing aspect.. plus they're expensive. The friendfinder series of sights tends to be ok, lots of users... but 90% of the time you have to pay for the target member to be able to communicate back with you i believe. But the rates are fair, I've used them once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maltique Posted May 28, 2009 Share Posted May 28, 2009 plentyoffish.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anvil Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 I met my wife on match.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristof65 Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 Sadly, the site my wife and I met on is no longer around in the form it was - socialnet.com. That domain now gets you to americansingles.com, which I have no knowledge of, having not needed one for quite awhile. Whatever site you eventually go with, pick one that uses questionaires to help match you up with other singles. Those were the only sites I really met quality people from. I think you'll find a lot less grief about dating sites these days than even just a few years ago. I met my wife online nearly 10 years ago, and we've been married just over seven. Neither of us have been shy about how we met, and we've never received any serious grief about it. When it comes to actually using those sites, I have a couple of recommendations based on my experiences: - be honest about yourself. Even the smallest little fib to make you seem more attractive will do more damage than good. - post current pictures. This goes hand in hand with being honest. Update those pictures every 2-3 months. If possible, get a friend of the opposite sex to help you pick out a picture, and/or take one of you - they'll try and pick one that will paint you in the best light. - don't spend months "getting to know someone" online/via phone before you meet in person. Chances are that you'll only wind up disappointed when you finally do meet. Then again, don't rush into meeting everyone really fast, either. There's kind of a sweet spot, and I found that meeting someone in person worked best for me after about 1-4 weeks of daily communication. - when you finally do meet: For her comfort and safety (as well as yours) definitely suggest a daylight meeting in a neutral area that you both provide your own transportation to/from. Trust me, you want your own transportation in case she's a whack job who drags you to a gay bar to meet her bff. Places you can hang out and just talk in - like starbucks, bookstore coffee shops, etc - are a great place to get to know one another. If you pick something near a movie theater or other activity, you also have a way to extend the date if both of you find yourselves wanting the date to go on. Hope that helps. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joshuaslater Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 kristof broke it all down just right. Take his advice. Online dating isn't shameful. You don't drink, so bars are out, and it's difficult to meet people when you don't go to bars. You'd be surprised to see how many people on online dating sites are saying the same things you posted. Get out there lone wolf, and find yourself someone compatible with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
haldir Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 surprisingly I've heard MMOs are pretty good places to find singles as well. Of course you have to get by the "Uhhh are you a female playing this character " part but after that I guess it more or less connecting. good luck with your search, like many have said, don't sweat it. Dating & such has just went 21st century & such & sites like eharmony & match.com are places to help out. I've never have had need of them of course (been happily married for almost 12 years (Aug or Sept is our anniv month, hell I can't remember, oopps!!)) again good luck with your search RM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wildbill Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 One of my good friends met his wife through a dating site, although I don't know which one. But, it turned out she only lived a mile from his house! They have been married over 5 years, and together something like 7 (I think). I had a co-worker when I lived in Kansas City that met his wife via a dating site (again, no clue which one). But, they have been married over 6 years with 2 kids and are happy as clams. So, yeah, it can work. But, I have a third friend that has used those sites for a long time. I don't know if she is attracted to losers or if losers are attracted to her, but she has yet to have any real luck with the guys she meets. But, she is in her late 40s and most guys that are that age or older tend to have a lot of baggage (at least, the ones she picks do!! ). Sorry I can't help more with websites. Wild Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warlady Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 From a female perspective, dating sites can produce results, but can also be very weird. I have used Match.com and Singlesnet.com, with varying degrees of success. While they have produced dates for me, they have also produced some very scary encounters which have made me quite leery of them, and neither of them has produced any long term relationship. Some of that may be me, as I am - ahem - a little older than you, and men in my age group, as wildbill says, seem to have more baggage, or else seem to be looking for someone to take care of them. I've also been told by men on the sites that I was too eclectic in my interests....say what..? Anyway, I find it more productive to hang out with my gaming groups or at my FLGS and meet people that way. But kristof has it nailed on how to handle the sites. Also, be prepared to get lots of lookers before you find any takers, and that the search engines that the sites use vary widely and wildly in how they match your info with others. For example, smoking is a deal-breaker for me, and even though I have stated that in my profile and clicked their little button, the sites still send me matches who are smokers.... But the dating sites are still worth a try - if nothing else, posting a profile makes you look at yourself and think about who you are and what you want, and how to view yourself in a positive light. The important thing is to have fun. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vejlin Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 I've never used dating sites myself, so I can't give you any advice for those, but my experience is that socializing without the explicit aim of finding a partner is both more pleasant and more productive. In short, do stuff that you like doing with other people without partnership being the primary motivator. The chance of meeting someone you like (and who likes you back) increases with the number of people you expose yourself to (ok that sounds a bit creepy but you know what I mean), also if the main purpose of the activity is to have fun you also pretty much guarantee that those you meet share interests with you. You say you're not a really social guy though so that might not work for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragon Snack Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 ...is it too much to ask for a 30 something, single, child free, educated female, without too many emotional issues. Apparently, but I may be a little bitter... Trust me, you want your own transportation in case she's a whack job who drags you to a gay bar to meet her bff. Haha, I had a friend that this happened to! He ended up marrying her though... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joshuaslater Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 Another alternative is to go to one of those prison dating forums. Find yourself some caged heat. ducks......runs..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristof65 Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 Kim makes an important point I forgot about. I was in my mid 30s and in the process of a divorce when I started using the sites. At first it was to fill that void my departing ex had left, and things just weren't working out at that point - I was meeting the "wrong" type of women. But then I moved, and began using the sites again, but this time mostly to just meet new people, and not sit home alone on weekends. I met quite a few nice women who had the same expectations, and things were fun and social for several months. Then *boom*, I met my future wife, and before I really realized it, we were dating each other exclusively. Trust me, you want your own transportation in case she's a whack job who drags you to a gay bar to meet her bff. Haha, I had a friend that this happened to! He ended up marrying her though... To be honest, it didn't happen quite like that to me. The real tale is lot more convoluted, and a little bit scary and if I never come within 100 miles of that woman again, that will be just fine with me, but for the purposes of my point, I simplified it. The moral is don't rely on the other person for transportation until you're sure they aren't a whack job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharky Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 This may sound weird, but Craigslist has a personals section (Yes, we all know about the Craigslist murderer, but people like that can pop up anywhere). You can post to your local area or further abroad (if you don't mind potential long-distance relationships). Not too sure about the particulars, as the only thing I've done on the site is sell a WoW account ;) Good luck, whatever you decide. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kristof65 Posted May 29, 2009 Share Posted May 29, 2009 I imagine that craigslist's section is a lot like Yahoo's and AOL's personals was when I was using them. Yes, they were free, and yes, you could meet a lot of people via them, but they were also much more of a free-for-all, random chance thing. I got a _lot_ more picky about who I would correspond with via Yahoo's personals after the run in with the aforementioned whack job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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