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Why do women play games?


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OK - even though I just posted my frustrations at finding people to meet I made a few decisions that should make it easier for me. Adapt to your own circumstances.

 

I'm going to go out and do things I've never tried (but wanted to) or that I enjoy. Examples - I start swing dance lessons next month and I'm going roller skating Sunday night.

I'm going to go to all those restaurants I've been wanting to try and if there's someone sitting by themselves I'll invite myself to their table. If declined, I have a book.

I'm going to go to movies if I want to see them and again, if there's someone else alone see if they want company.

 

I can't do what I've done for all these years and wait for things to happen. I have to make them happen. I'm not looking for anything beyond new friends and that's going to take me going out and looking for them.

 

I just called a couple of the guys from the game club to see what's going on. One is going to a Flames of War game this afternoon/evening and another one told me that some of the guys hang out at the game store and then go out to dinner on Fridays. Gee, any guesses as to where I'm going tonight?

 

Wish me luck!

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OK - even though I just posted my frustrations at finding people to meet I made a few decisions that should make it easier for me. Adapt to your own circumstances.

 

I'm going to go out and do things I've never tried (but wanted to) or that I enjoy. Examples - I start swing dance lessons next month and I'm going roller skating Sunday night.

I'm going to go to all those restaurants I've been wanting to try and if there's someone sitting by themselves I'll invite myself to their table. If declined, I have a book.

I'm going to go to movies if I want to see them and again, if there's someone else alone see if they want company.

 

I can't do what I've done for all these years and wait for things to happen. I have to make them happen. I'm not looking for anything beyond new friends and that's going to take me going out and looking for them.

 

I just called a couple of the guys from the game club to see what's going on. One is going to a Flames of War game this afternoon/evening and another one told me that some of the guys hang out at the game store and then go out to dinner on Fridays. Gee, any guesses as to where I'm going tonight?

 

Wish me luck!

 

That's the spirit!

Remember also that people are more apt to want you around when you bring something to the table, be it conversation, humor, a sympathetic ear, or loads of other things.

As Moby once said about Hollywood parties: "I'd rather hang out with my friends, they are all far more interesting."

Be interesting.

Good Luck!

 

Edit:

Also Hibachi restaurants where they put different groups of people around the hibachi is a great way to meet people.

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I can't do what I've done for all these years and wait for things to happen. I have to make them happen. I'm not looking for anything beyond new friends and that's going to take me going out and looking for them.

That reminds me of how I met my best friend and later my ex-wife. I was in the Navy at the time, and all of my social circle were people I worked with, or had worked with in the Navy and their families. I saw a game notice on the bulletin board of a local comic shop and wound up joining that game with a bunch of civilians, but for a good sixth months they were just the guys I gamed with on Tuesday nights. My entire social life was Navy, and well, I wasn't happy with it, but I didn't feel I had much in common with the game group besides the game.

 

I happened to mention at one of the game nights that I needed extra money, and one of the guys turned out to be the manager of a local family fun center. He wound up hiring me part time after I gave him a resume and went in for an interview. From there, my social life changed as I became friends with my co-workers at the fun center, so much so that I remained working there long after I ceased to need the extra money and even after I got out of the Navy. The manager and I became best friends and still are to this day, and through him and others there I met quite a few more people including my ex-wife. I'm still friends with most of them today, the big exception being my ex.

 

My point is that doing something different doesn't necessarily mean you have to sign up for those classes in underwater basketweaving. All it can take is one small adjustment to your life - in my anecdote above, my life change for the better (mostly) because of two tiny things I did different - I called a stranger and got into a random RPG group (that didn't include Navy friends) and later on took a part time job that was offered to me.

 

Doing something different helps a lot. But you often don't have to go far to do something different - invite your gaming circle over for a non-gaming event like a BBQ and tell them to bring spouses, girlfriends and buddies. If you like your co-workers, invite a few of them, too. As you get to know their friends/significant others, you may wind up getting invited to their non-gaming events, which could lead to more friends, more invites, etc.

 

So look around and see what small changes you can make, because they may have a bigger impact than you think. Are you the only one who doesn't join the guys at work for a beer on Friday? Maybe you're the only one in the game group who doesn't go to Denny's after the game? Are you constantly turning down invitations to go watch your nephew's baseball team play? If you're like me, yep - so do something different and try it once or twice - may not be your thing, but it could also be the thing that makes a difference.

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I have always been an awkward gamer geek, but I never had a problem approaching women. In my past experience with women I met on the net, they either wanted to rush into relationships way too fast, or just wanted a one night stand or a non committal relationship. I am by no means saying it is all like that, but thats my experience. I always found that when I quit trying so hard to be cool or suave and just acted like the nerdy, quirky, geek that I am that I always found a nice girl who appreciated me for who I am.

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<snip>

I disagree that you need to be happy and confident in yourself as a person to be ready to find love. I'm not saying it's a bad plan of attack, and I certainly agree that finding love isn't going to solve all the other problems in your life so why not work on those while you're looking. But I know for myself that feeling like I would have to fix myself and achieve happiness before I could even think about finding a good relationship... well, that only depressed me more and made the goal feel further off sometimes. ;->

 

I just wanted to clarify that I'm not saying you need to "fix" yourself to be happy or in love - if that were the case, no one would ever qualify. :) But if there is something you want to change/learn/try out, actually starting to do something about it, even something small, can help you feel more confidant. Even if you don't notice it, others probably will. And if it doesn't work out (cake decorating just isn't for you, say), don't be down on yourself - you've tried something, learned something about yourself, and can have more confidence to try something else that strikes your fancy. And just keep exploring until you find things you do like. But doing these things is a way to help you feel better about yourself, and as others have said, take the focus off of "finding the *one*" and put it on having fun.

 

OK - even though I just posted my frustrations at finding people to meet I made a few decisions that should make it easier for me. Adapt to your own circumstances.

 

I'm going to go out and do things I've never tried (but wanted to) or that I enjoy.

<snip>

I can't do what I've done for all these years and wait for things to happen. I have to make them happen. I'm not looking for anything beyond new friends and that's going to take me going out and looking for them.

 

I just called a couple of the guys from the game club to see what's going on. One is going to a Flames of War game this afternoon/evening and another one told me that some of the guys hang out at the game store and then go out to dinner on Fridays. Gee, any guesses as to where I'm going tonight?

 

Wish me luck!

 

I raise my glass to you! Hope you have the best of luck and a great weekend!

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Thanks for the advice everyone, it is nice to put things in perspective. I will try those little changes. I plan to be at the very least moving from my current town, perhaps that might help. As far as the whole liking myself issue, I see your point, I would actully say for the first time in a long time I am content with my situation. I also guess I have been looking in thw wrong places. The thing is I have kind of taken the stance for the past few years of letting it sneak up on me and it well just did not sneak (unless it rolled really well on its stealth check and I failed my perception check!).

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OK - even though I just posted my frustrations at finding people to meet I made a few decisions that should make it easier for me. Adapt to your own circumstances.

 

I'm going to go out and do things I've never tried (but wanted to) or that I enjoy. Examples - I start swing dance lessons next month and I'm going roller skating Sunday night.

I'm going to go to all those restaurants I've been wanting to try and if there's someone sitting by themselves I'll invite myself to their table. If declined, I have a book.

I'm going to go to movies if I want to see them and again, if there's someone else alone see if they want company.

 

I can't do what I've done for all these years and wait for things to happen. I have to make them happen. I'm not looking for anything beyond new friends and that's going to take me going out and looking for them.

 

I just called a couple of the guys from the game club to see what's going on. One is going to a Flames of War game this afternoon/evening and another one told me that some of the guys hang out at the game store and then go out to dinner on Fridays. Gee, any guesses as to where I'm going tonight?

 

Wish me luck!

 

This is a fantastic plan of action! Good luck & have fun!

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OK - even though I just posted my frustrations at finding people to meet I made a few decisions that should make it easier for me. Adapt to your own circumstances.

 

I'm going to go out and do things I've never tried (but wanted to) or that I enjoy. Examples - I start swing dance lessons next month and I'm going roller skating Sunday night.

I'm going to go to all those restaurants I've been wanting to try and if there's someone sitting by themselves I'll invite myself to their table. If declined, I have a book.

I'm going to go to movies if I want to see them and again, if there's someone else alone see if they want company.

 

I can't do what I've done for all these years and wait for things to happen. I have to make them happen. I'm not looking for anything beyond new friends and that's going to take me going out and looking for them.

 

I just called a couple of the guys from the game club to see what's going on. One is going to a Flames of War game this afternoon/evening and another one told me that some of the guys hang out at the game store and then go out to dinner on Fridays. Gee, any guesses as to where I'm going tonight?

 

Wish me luck!

 

 

 

Rastl, Denver has a Rocky Horror Picture Show cast - you should go check them out. You always meet interesting people at a Rocky show, lol.

 

http://www.denverrockyhorror.com/

 

 

At the very least, it's cheap entertainment and one of the few chances you'll ever have to yell in a movie theatre... biggrin.gif

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Thanks for the advice everyone, it is nice to put things in perspective. I will try those little changes. I plan to be at the very least moving from my current town, perhaps that might help. As far as the whole liking myself issue, I see your point, I would actully say for the first time in a long time I am content with my situation. I also guess I have been looking in thw wrong places. The thing is I have kind of taken the stance for the past few years of letting it sneak up on me and it well just did not sneak (unless it rolled really well on its stealth check and I failed my perception check!).

 

More advice:

 

Don't think a woman is "out of your league" or is "too hot" for you. Chances are, EVERY guy has thought that of the poor girl, and thus she doesn't get asked out at all except by the really really socially-awkward people that don't take body-language cues very well.

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Don't think a woman is "out of your league" or is "too hot" for you. Chances are, EVERY guy has thought that of the poor girl, and thus she doesn't get asked out at all except by the really really socially-awkward people that don't take body-language cues very well.

I so wish I would have known that in High School, and not in the dawning realization several years later when I found out that the reason a particular girl wasn't interested in me was because her much hotter best friend went four years hoping I would get a clue and ask her out.

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Of course if your looking to win back one of your exes you can always just be a jerk to them, if that's what thery are looking for!

 

JK!!! I was madly in love with a girl who was in a situation like this years ago, finally I just swore her off, moved on and while it always perturbed me that nice guys finish last, at least I know I'm not alone!!!

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What they said!

Heck, I myself am a geeky anime-fan, rennie, and big rpger girl. We are out there. I promise :devil:

 

 

Yup we are out there Beo! Though I'm not an anime fan myself.

 

Don't think a woman is "out of your league" or is "too hot" for you. Chances are, EVERY guy has thought that of the poor girl, and thus she doesn't get asked out at all except by the really really socially-awkward people that don't take body-language cues very well.

 

Again, I agree. Pretty much my experience in this department.

 

 

 

If it's any consolation I am having as hard a time trying to find a GUY who fits what I am looking for and I really don't think I'm that picky. I've been single for two years just about after my last relationship which turned abusive towards the end. Not all of us girls go back to guys like that--I didn't. I don't even want to be in the same state as this person never mind the same room!

 

Dating sucks, that's pretty much my thoughts.

 

What I look for in a guy is someone who is comfortable with who they are, not afraid to show their true self (really everyone in the world is a geek some of us just wear it proudly), have an idea of what they want out of life, can hold a lively conversation and then of course some of the superficial stuff (like good teeth and showers regularly).

 

Make sure you take chances on people too. If there is a girl that you think is cute don't be afraid to start a conversation with her. Friends make good wing-men too. No matter where you go take a friend with you and they can help break the ice.

 

My biggest piece of advice though is look for love in the places you frequent. If you don't like going to bars then don't go to a bar to try and find someone. If you are a gamer then find a LGS and start making regular visits, maybe even hold a regular game there. Gamer girls exist--we're here on this forum! This way at least you'll have something to talk about that both of you are interested in: games!

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The first thing I thought of while reading the OP was something Einstein said, about the definition of insanity being doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result each time. Because I'm just a romantic like that. Seriously, though I completely conceded that there are many successful relationships begun online (there's a thread around here somewhere), I still would never personally want to start that way, and I definitely believe there are still more horror stories than romantic comedies related to hooking up that way.

 

Now, because I actually am a romantic, I will say I believe wholeheartedly that there is somebody for everybody. More than one possible somebody, in fact, though I do advise we all stick to one at a time, for as long as possible. :devil:

 

I don't know you, really, other than from what you post here. I may be treading covered ground when I say this, but really, the best thing you can do to cultivate lasting, working relationships, is to first know yourself, be happy with yourself, and take ownership of the things that make you who you are. I once took three years off from even speaking more than casually to women, to "get right" with myself. It was among the very best decisions I've ever made. My friends thought I was crazy. But romance after that was so much more fun and even easier, and the ultimate testimony to how well it worked is that I am going on eleven years of marriage, and anger never lives long in our house.

 

Some women play games, definitely. And some just don't know what they want. The same can be said for men. What other people do is not your fault or responsibility and you should never let yourself carry the weight of it. But that means that who you are and what you do is completely your responsibility, and you're going to be happier if you own up to that responsibility. Be fair, be honest, own who you are. That's where strength begins and it's where trust begins, and those two things will attract others without you having to work so hard at it.

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