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dargrin

D&D rehash

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"Like I said: the world is full of people, and they fall into two categories: the ones who will play games with you, and the ones who won't. That goes for the psychology of it, too."

 

 

I totally agree. Life is a game. My friends and I were talking about this the other day, although it was in terms of if a zombie epidemic occurred... where would you go, what would you take, and WHO DO YOU WANT WITH YOU? Someone who knows basic survival know how is a plus, but more importantly, thoughtful people who know how to work together and not be a useless bump on a log, a whining entitled baby or that lone gun jerky that ends up getting the party wiped. A friend of mine once told me he measures people's intelligence on how many and how often they played games. It makes alot of sense.

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There are two kinds of women.

 

Women who will play games with you.

 

Women who won't.

 

Also known as "women who are worth knowing" and "women who aren't."

 

Everything else is just nomenclature.

 

 

Couldn't agree more.

 

I recently have started getting in touch with old HS friends and family members that i had lost touch with many years ago. When i was in HS I was bullied a lot because of my interests, D&D, battletech ect. It has seriously amazed me how many people have told me that they now play and are ashamed of the way they behaved back then. Ahh, D&D, the great equalizer.

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I only read the first couple of posts and thought I would interject my experience with D&D.

 

First, for those of you who don't know me--I'm a woman (shocker huh? ::P: )

Second, I didn't get into D&D or miniatures until 2004

Third, if it weren't for the guy I was dating at the time I still wouldn't know about this world.

 

I think he felt incredibly uncomfortable telling me he played though. The story goes something like this . . .

 

We had been dating for maybe a month and we went to the same university. I knew that his Sunday nights were his "guy nights" and that was fine with me. I thought that was great and lord knows I had my own stuff to do so it wasn't a big deal to me that he wanted one night a week to go play with his friends.

 

He lived right near campus so a lot of times I would walk over to his house after school and we would hang out together. One day he decided that he needed to have a serious discussion with me.

"Meg, we need to talk"

 

I start thinking it's something terrible. He's got a serious look on his face, his roommate is gone, I thought it was going to be the break up talk or that he has a kid and wife or something horrible!

 

"I need to tell you about what I do when I play games with my friends"

 

Now I'm thinking it's something sinister or kinky right? I mean what girlfriend wouldn't be a little freaked out now?!

 

"Ok . . . what do you guys do on Sundays?" I ask.

"Well you know that we play games. I think you should know that we play Dungeons and Dragons" He replies with a worried look on his face.

 

I take it in and try to figure out what I'm going to ask. "Ok, well, umm . . . I mean . . . I don't know what that is really. I mean I've heard the name before but I don't know anything about it. So what is it?"

 

So he starts to tell me about it and he is a little uncomfortable while telling me. I think it sounds cool. He described it as a huge board game with someone telling the story and you get to play a character in the story and that it is kind of like Lord of the Rings. SOLD! I ask him if I can come to his next game and see what it's all about.

 

I think he thought I was kidding or something. But I was serious and after a couple of sessions, meeting his friends, reading through some of the books I ask to join. My first game ever I played a 14th level human fighter mage in Planescape and that didn't even scare me off!

 

Now I have a great hobby, great friends because of the hobby, dropped that boyfriend because of a drug problem and found my passion for painting!

 

Moral of the story--If a girl asks about it definitely tell her about the game and even encourage her to come and see what it's about. There are far too few girl gamers out there and I'd like to see more recruited to the hobby.

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Don't mean to sound all counter-cultural here, but people who don't game? Yeah, they're people too. Quite charming people a lot of the time.

 

And stubborn, too, I've been trying to convince my wife to play a game - any game! - for ten years.

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Don't mean to sound all counter-cultural here, but people who don't game? Yeah, they're people too. Quite charming people a lot of the time.

 

And stubborn, too, I've been trying to convince my wife to play a game - any game! - for ten years.

 

I'm in the same boat. Hell, my wife hasn't even seen the original Star Wars. But she married me anyway. She knew I was into this stuff right out of the gate. She is not a fan of make believe or fantasy, but she is willing to indulge me in my love of it. I've just learned to stop trying. When and if she is ever ready she knows she is welcome.

 

The best is when people make fun of my hobby, she gets more angry and indignant about the insults/comments than I do. Maybe it's because I am used to it, but she's had friends look in horror at my hobby or when they hear I am going to a convention, and Mary just unloads on them.

 

My daughter is already showing interest. Of course, I taught her colors using comic books and the Justice League. She's had a set of 7 dice since she was 2 (54 mm and she never puts stuff in her mouth). Heck, one of her newborn stuffed animals was a present from the Storms - Cthulu! And now she has a creepy purple Illithid rat she named "Brain Eater" that she snuggles with.

 

I fully intend to make sure she tortures all the geeky gamer boys by being the super awesome friend that gets them, that they all crush on, but she just wants to be friends, because hell, why should they not suffer like I did :lol:

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I've only once run into someone who had any sort of a real problem with gaming on the whole, but then, she had a problem with anything and everything that wasn't her idea to begin with. Reality seemed to bother her the most, followed by people in general.

 

Honestly, I've run into more exclusive, snobby, gamer jerks - male and female - than anyone else.

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Smokingwreckage brings up a point I was about to bring up too..a love-interest not being into D&D ought not be seen as a dealbreaker. There's nothing wrong with a couple having some interests that are not common to the both of them.

 

It only becomes a problem when either one feels the need not to be truthful about what they do on the weekend or when they're out with the girls (or guys).

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..a love-interest not being into D&D ought not be seen as a dealbreaker. There's nothing wrong with a couple having some interests that are not common to the both of them.

I read something not too long ago where some researchers had found that couples that had their own individual hobbies they didn't share actually had stronger relationships if those hobbies were practiced in moderation, and if the spouses were supportive of each others hobbies. Basically, pursuing a hobby without the significant other allows one to recharge themselves, and as a result bring more back to the relationship.

 

So the key is to find someone who understands the pursuit of a hobby, even if isn't gaming. Then while you're out gaming, they can be out bowling, or scrapbooking, or whatever.

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So the key is to find someone who understands the pursuit of a hobby, even if isn't gaming. Then while you're out gaming, they can be out bowling, or scrapbooking, or whatever.

Well said. Living proof, here. I've been married to a non-gamer for a long time. We have hobbies we share, some we don't. She played for a while, but was never seriously into it. So, she understands gaming and she gives me some space - including bowling - and she has her space - knitting, quilting, etc. We only have problems when one of us is obsessive about it, neglecting other areas or responsibilities.

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It can work well both ways. I'm happily married to the most intelligent and awesome sci-fi/fantasy/boardgame/miniature painting/miniature gaming/math/computer geek I have ever met. She claims she wasn't a geek when we met and that she was "assimilated", but everyone knows that's just something she needs to tell herself, and that she's always been an übergeek. She's just letting it show more with age like myself and many here have described.

 

Generally people aren't as much into hiring babysitters here as in the US, so out of necessity we do a lot of things when the other isn't around though, since someone has to stay with the kids.

 

I say do what works for you, I have a hard time understanding if there are NO common interests (but won't rule out that it can work) in a relationship, but having SOME interests that aren't mutual (or at least sometimes enjoying them separately) only seems healthy IMO. I can't imagine a true 100% match in interests. Sure if one party is controlling and the other pretends it may seem like it, but an actual 100% match seems ridiculously unlikely. As others have mentioned the most important thing is being able to respect one another. I think it's great when people can be geeky (or more generalized "able to get really excited about things that interest them"), but admit, with shame, that I can't understand and fully respect all interests. I know it's bad, I'm just being honest here. (I can appreciate that being heavily into make-up and self-grooming for 3-hours a day can bring joy to a person, and that's great.... but personally I have a hard time taking it seriously..... I wonder why I'm never asked to go shoe shopping)

Edited by vejlin

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