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vejlin
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I totally agree I do think that it is the grooms day also.

I also agree that there is NO NEED to spend so much money on a party for one frickin day!

There are so much more reasonable things to spend your money on! One can buy a car or put a down payment on a house with that money that is usually spent.

There is nothing wrong with a small church ceremony (if its that important) or the court house and then have a bbq at the house! lol

My sis Audry and I LOVE making fun of the chicks in bridezillas lol

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At this stage of the game I'll probably never get married and I have some friends that tell me it's not all that it is cracked up to be either.

 

However that being said if I ever did get married - and I have not been planning this out since I was three years old...(Maybe only on and off for the past six or seven years actually)

 

I'm making my own gown, have the pattern already. It might sit on the bookshelf and rot for the next 30 years, but I have it.

I have a cousin who can make cakes that will knock your socks off.

Rings? No diamonds, no frills. Give me sterling or argentium silver and I'm happy.

Catering? Said cousin who makes cakes and her sister - it's covered.

DJ? My Sister.

Photographer: Aforementioned sister.

Place to get married? Well heck I could always do what said cousin above did - get married under the park pavilion!

Guests - don't want a lot. If there are more than 30 I'm going to start having fits at there being to many...The way I see it I'll invite who I want and to heck with what my family members might want. I'll probably be paying for the wedding anyways, not them.

Dresses/tuxes for the wedding party? I'm going for the whole historical renaissance theme. Find yourself a cool ren faire outfit you love and wear it so long as it's tasteful and you're not dressed like a court jester or the local leper.

Bridesmaids? I have like four people on my list and I'm not even sure all of them would even be able to attend due to distance. One of them I am pretty sure would dress like a man anyways - more power to her!

 

So a show that is showing the worst in brides, quite seriously is not typical of what I feel most people spend on a wedding - most of us don't have that kind of cash to outlay or find it utterly rediculous....

 

Of Course then there was my Brother's wedding almost two years ago. We adore his wife but her family went NUTS on the wedding. I think nine bridesmaids and nine groomsmen is a bit excessive. The whole ordeal is rumored to have cost $50K total and I just cringed when I heard that. The reception hall were we had waiters and waitresses bringing us our food looked like Windsor Castle inside and was decorated to the ninth degree. Let's not forget the 100foot long Appetizer and drink bar that went on for two hours BEFORE we went in and sat down to have dinner! WAY to much. At this wedding it wasn't a bridezilla we had to deal with but a mother-in-law-zilla instead as the wife's mother was going just spastic about everything. At one point I wanted to ask someone if they had any vallium we could give her.

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I saw part of a US TV program about weddings (I don't recall the name of the show), but in it they followed a number of women in the days leading up to their weddings (the men were suspiciously absent most of the time, when present they looked like they were just waiting for the ordeal to pass so the insanity could subside).

 

As has been pointed out, these shows concentrate on the worst of the lot. The "bridezillas" who have to have the best and most expensive. I think the producers of these shows also accentuate the seeming non-involvement of the men to play up to the stereotype of the non-committal groom because they anticipate that this is what an American audience is expecting, and shows like this, though they work on a premise of outrageousness, work on a premise of predictable outrageousness. People tune in to see the bride break down.

 

In my experience, both with my own wedding, and with the weddings of my friends, the groom and his family have been very involved.

 

Common for these women were that this was a HUGE deal to them, with expectations so high that they were all but guaranteed to be disappointed.

 

I have rarely been to a wedding that went off without a hitch. I think some disappointment is inevitable with most, because even men in this country are brought up to think the moment is meant to be, and even guaranteed to be, spectacularly magical. For women, even more so. However, as no battle plan can ever survive engagement with the enemy, so no wedding plan can ever survive the ego of the mother-in-law, the drunkenness of the stepfather, the bad behavior of disrespectful "friends," the confusion of the caterer, and the like. When you have so many people involved in an affair, all with their own ideas of what and how it should be, and their own mixed feelings about same, any situation can fall apart. Or at least contain its share of disappointments.

 

Secondly the weddings were all extremely expensive (in my eyes). I'm thinking that since this is deemed interesting enough to produce these are not typical people and that most will like me think it's insane to be 43 and spend your ENTIRE life savings on a week of partying. I get that someone who has a lot of money will spend a lot (in absolute terms) on a wedding, but for a regular person working on the floor in retail to spend their entire $60k savings in a week on their wedding is just insane to me.

 

It is important to note that in this country, weddings have an entire industry devoted to them. It is literally a "Wedding Industry." I mean no offense to anybody involved, but as with any big industry, it has its share of bad people working in it. And I think it is safe to say that in this case, most people involved are what I like to think of as "okay with compromising their integrity." I have never encountered a florist, caterer, baker, you-name-it, who did not charge twice as much for half the product, when he found out it was for a wedding. Soup for twenty people at a business meeting? $XX. The same soup for twenty people at a wedding? $XXXX. It's a fact. Anybody who has gotten married in the States who has not eloped or just run off to Vegas knows this is a fact.

 

So there's two things in this that shook me. Firstly the unreasonably high expectations that all but guarantee a "failure" and the burning of life savings for a party. So what do you guys think? Am I just a guy who doesn't get it?

 

I don't believe in the guys-don't-get-it stereotype. There is plenty wrong with the wedding industry that anybody can see. I think that most of just accept it because we want the day to be special and this seems to be the way of it. Even in our case, where my wife and I did much of the preparation for the wedding ourselves, it still cost in the tens of thousands. To some degree it's inevitable, but most of us understand that some aspects of the process are a scam. It comes down to a matter of how much you're comfortable with.

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I have never encountered a florist, caterer, baker, you-name-it, who did not charge twice as much for half the product, when he found out it was for a wedding.

To be fair, some of those people are simply charging more to compensate for the stress it will give them.

 

It is possible to find some quality vendors who don't tack on a wedding surcharge, or handle it in a more professional way - but you often have to look for them. FREX, the bakery where my wife and I got our cake was reasonably priced, and didn't have any sort of extra charges for a wedding. They did, however, have "change order" surcharges. Once you placed your order, you were commited to it as ordered. If you changed anything, there was something like a $25 fee to make a change. They were tired of dealing with weddings where things would change every other week, or they were caught in a tug of war between brides, grooms and family each making their own changes to the order. They were pretty upfront about that when we started looking to them to provide our cake, especially when they learned that we planned on making our own cake topper - I had to work with them to make sure it wouldn't cause any problems. They also had fees for things like delivery, etc, which more often applied to weddings than other types of orders - but they were fairly applied.

 

They don't advertise in any of the wedding related rags, or do wedding events, etc. All of their business is pretty much from a small yellow page ad and word of mouth. Word of mouth is how we found them - they did the birthday cake for my cousin's 25th birthday, we sought them out after that.

 

Similar stories for our photographer and florist.

 

 

So there are some people with integrity in the industry who don't charge more just because they're weddings. Then again, a lot of them simply charge more because the dollar signs cloud their eyesight...I abhor tux rental places for that reason. Both times I got married the sales people collectively spent hours trying to upsell me beyond basic tuxes and and convince me to add more people to our wedding party. Same story every place I went. The big "selling" point was that after x number of tuxes, the groom get's his "free". Sure, if you've got people paying for their own tuxes - why not spend other people's money with fancier tuxes and more of them! No, in my case, I paid for the tuxes unless the person insisted on paying for it themselves, like my Dad.

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I was quite involved in my wedding planning, I was paying for it. Though first it was a courthouse wedding on my day off. The church wedding that we invited people to came in at less than a month's pay for me at the time (which was only about a thousand dollars). The in-laws paid for her dress and organist, that was it. The wedding was held in the post chapel on Ft Meade (though now a fire station stands where the chapel used to be :grr:) and the reception in the smallest room in the Officer's Club. I think my mom was disappointed, weddings on her side of the family are generally big affairs (though only due to the sheer number of people on that side of the family), there were only about 40 people at our wedding, and half of that were the people in my platoon. Most of my family couldn't make though my parents (still mad at each other after 8 years of divorce), sisters, my uncle (who was like second father to me) and aunt, and the cousin I spent most of my time with growing up did brave the winter to get there. My wife's family is small and was in attendance. Food was appetizers (swedish meatballs, stuffed mushrooms, and something else I don't rightly remember, I was digging the mushrooms). The cake was a small two-tier catered by the club. Tuxes? Nope, dress uniforms, my best man was my room mate in the barracks. Her sister and my sister were the maids of honor, we let them pick their dresses from what they had. Though to be honest I'm surprised I remember this much, everything blanked in my mind when I saw her coming down the aisle. Most of the time I just remember how beautiful she looked that day.

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My wedding was around 3000 i think. My folks paid for the hall which included invites cake and a dessert, and my dress and my bridesmaid dresses. I paid for hair flowers photography. And hubby paid for tuxes. All together it was 3000. I could have done it for cheaper but i didn't want to worry bout decorating a hall.

 

I don't see the need to spend uber dollars but i think it is up to whomever is paying. It seems those shows tend to find the most lavishly spending folks or the horrid bridezillas....

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