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Christmas Spiders


Dr.Bedlam
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I love Canada. I really love Canada, I love winter, I love -60 I love the fact that it keeps even the big spiders to a manageable size where I'm from. Oh sure, out on the coast they get cedar spiders that big, and black widows. but not here, no sir, not here. and I love it.

This in capital letters!

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Oh...um... ugh...

 

er... you are a brave, brave man.

 

Not that this is in any way similar, but I found mama black widow in my garage last month...and her empty egg cases... and her babies... I killed...some of them... The garage and I are not currently on speaking terms. I'm not even sure how to fix it at this point.

 

ugh ugh ugh.

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Oh...um... ugh...

 

er... you are a brave, brave man.

 

Not that this is in any way similar, but I found mama black widow in my garage last month...and her empty egg cases... and her babies... I killed...some of them... The garage and I are not currently on speaking terms. I'm not even sure how to fix it at this point.

 

ugh ugh ugh.

 

spider bomb the garage? You can get these chemical exterminator things (over here at least) where you close the windows, set it off and vacate the area for about 1/2 a day.

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Oh...um... ugh...

 

er... you are a brave, brave man.

 

Not that this is in any way similar, but I found mama black widow in my garage last month...and her empty egg cases... and her babies... I killed...some of them... The garage and I are not currently on speaking terms. I'm not even sure how to fix it at this point.

 

ugh ugh ugh.

Fire.....kill it with fire.

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Dr.Bedlam, on 14 Dec 2013 - 1:17 PM, said:

She knew ME, though, as my own last name was the only thing she was saying that made any sense.

"Awake, fear, fire, foes, bedlam" only incidentally involves you, though...

 

...wul, I should probably point out that "Bedlam," while a name I actually use, is not the one on my teaching certificate.

 

The story... well, it's comedic, but wasn't really INTENDED to be comedic... sort of... It just kind of CAME OUT that way. The spider wasn't THAT big; I've seen tarantulas that were bigger, but it was a good sized wolf spider with a legspan perhaps as big as my palm. I was not afraid of it. Mrs. Tulip, on the other hand, was ready to warp reality by sheer force of will just so she and that spider wouldn't have to be in the same dimension together.

 

The main thing I remember about the actual event was how Mrs. Tulip literally screamed when I stomped that big mama... and then, when a couple of teachers and a swarm of children came around the corner to see what the problem was, she hiccuped and went straight from "UTTER HYSTERICAL FRAGGING MELTDOOOOWN!!!" to "Proper and in-control grade school teacher, marshalling and managing children." It was like she literally rebooted her brain, right there on the spot, and it was amazing. THAT was the main thing I wrote about in the first unpublished version of this story.

 

The rest was just ... well... minor events, somewhat embellished for effect.

 

Merry Christmas, everyone.

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