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...and in case anyone's interested:

HECKELMEYER, skeletal jester

Medium Undead


HD 1d8 (8 hp)
Initiative +5
Speed 30 ft/6 squares
AC 15
Base Attack +0
Attacks: Punch in the chops (1d4)
Space/Reach 5/5
Special Attacks: See below
Special Qualities: DR 5/bludgeoning, darkvision 60 ft., immunity to cold, some undead traits, Sneak Attack +1d6, Find Traps (as per first level rogue). Holy water and holy objects have no effect on Heckelmeyer. In addition, if reduced to fewer than 8 hit points, Heckelmeyer's bones will lose cohesion and he will fall apart; a Detect Magic spell will reveal his bones as inert and nonmagical. After 2d6 rounds, however, Heckelmeyer's skeleton will reassemble itself magically, and he will become reanimated; his personality, unconscious when he was "killed," will "reboot," and he will become conscious again. Weirdly enough, Heckelmeyer DOES still need to sleep, although he requires neither food, water, or air. Smashing Heckelmeyer's bones to small bits will simply delay the process, depending on how badly damaged the bones are; he tells the story of pulling himself out of a pile of Purple Worm poop several weeks after being eaten. It has been speculated that the only way to permanently put him to rest would be with a reversed version of Raise Dead or Resurrection, but so far no one has seen fit to test this theory. In addition, Speak With Dead can force Heckelmeyer to truthfully answer any questions posed during the spell, although he considers this kind of rude. 

Skills: Appraise, Bluff, Climb, Pick Pockets, Diplomacy +2, Disable Device, Gather Information, Escape Artist +15 (he can literally pull himself apart and reassemble himself), Hide, Innuendo, Intimidate (at +6 if he reveals himself), Jump, Move Silently, Open Lock,  Perform +5, Search, Sense Motive, Spot, and Tumble. He CANNOT use Swim; his nature causes him to sink like a rock. However, he cannot drown, since he does not breathe.
Saves: Fort+0, Ref+5, Will+5
Abilities: STR 12, DEX 16, INT 14 WIS 13 CON - CHA 3/16 (depending on whether or not the observer knows he's undead and/or cares about such things; Heckelmeyer retains the personality he had in life, and was an accomplished jokester, raconteur, and was quite engaging. He regrets, however, that his looks aren't what they used to be).
Feats: Improved Initiative, Run Like Hell
Environment: any, but favors urban
Organization: any
Treasure: 5d20 GP at any given time, Hat of Disguise (which he uses to pass for human when necessary)
Alignment: Chaotic Good

Special attack: Heckelmeyer is the mangled result of an old Dragon Magazine article about Jesters and having a skeletal jester miniature on hand for a quick throw-together game. Consequently, he can attempt a sort of Charm effect against any opponent who can hear him AND understand his speech. This Charm effect takes the form of a joke; anyone failing a Will save may not strike Heckelmeyer or interfere with his speech for three rounds, the time it takes him to finish the joke. Heckelmeyer also claims to know Diarmuid's Last Jest, although he also claims that if he were to tell it, it would kill you.

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He also inspired the following conversation:

"So how many XP was he worth?"

"A moot point. You didn't kill him."

"I did too. He just came back to life."

"And since he remains alive, you get no XP. Otherwise you could just stand there and whack him repeatedly, turning him into a slot machine that dispenses XP with every whack. To get the XP, he has to stay dead."

"So... how do you kill him permanently?"

"Seems to me that figuring that out would significantly affect the XP reward, now, wouldn't it?"

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Love the story.  Inspirational for me as a DM.  It reminds me of the undead friend in "American Werewolf in London" as well as a Diablo novel I read where an undead "friend" of the party kept showing up to help/annoy the group.  I think those seat-of-the-pants moments in DMing usually produce the most creative results.  Great job!

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 Heckelmeyer may well be one of the top ten coolest things Reaper has ever produced, right up there with Kaladrax...


I've never had any important npcs inspired by minis, but I've had more than a few minis inspire me to stat something out for them and find a reason to put them in an adventure.

I used to have an oldschool lead skeleton that bore an almost ridiculous resemblance to the undead knight from that one episode of the old D&D cartoon. Can't remember if it was Partha or Grenadier. But that thing showed up in about half a dozen adventures as various intelligent undead both good and evil before my house ate it. (Ya ever notice how much character those old skeletons had? Especially the Parthas - they'd put out skeleton ninjas, skeleton wizards, skeleton everything, but even just the regular skellies were in unique poses with all kinds of armor and weapons...)

 There was a wizard from the old TSR Magic-users and Illusionists set (second one from the right in the top row on the back of the box with the staff, backpack and droopy moustache), which became not only my first attempt at freehand way back in the old Testors enamels days, painting his robe as a series of multicolored tattered patches, but also became "Patches, the Wizard", an evil npc wizard masquerading as a kindly old man who loved children...


 (On a side note, while looking for a pic of the back of the wizards box set, I came across a place that actually had one for sale... And bought that and the "Monks, Bards & Thieves" set for $104 including shipping.... I officially hate you now, lol :lol: )

Edited by Mad Jack
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 Well, ya know...


 Considering that most of his outfit is in rags, and the boots, gloves and hat don't have a lot of complex shapes to them... Theoretically it shouldn't be too difficult to just grab a random skelly in the pose you want and greenstuff on the official HecklemeyerTM "skin"... Put three thin wires in his head/helmet as armitures for the three points of his hat and use some small beads for the bells and you're good to go. The wand you'll probably have to borrow from an actual Heck figure, though, unless you're good at sculpting fiddly bits.

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One day a drunken bard met Krotala (kroe-TALL-ah) drinking in a bar and asked her, "How you keep those swirly gold hubcaps from fallin' off your ta-tas?"

Without changing expression or missing a beat, Krotala replied, "Carpet tacks."



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 Heh... That sort of reminds me of a picture I drew several decades ago - a large barbarian woman in a chainmail bikini has a clearly sodden-drunk fighter-type jacked up against a wall, held several inches off the ground with one hand, and her other arm is pulled back to punch the guy. The guy's friend is desperately grabbing onto her free arm trying to hold her back, and screaming. "Axe! Axe! He said "Nice AXE!"" ::D:

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