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Seeking Aid From Fellow Comic Nerds and Parasite Experts


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Some months ago I was tooling around on the Center for Disease Control website (as I'm wont to do, because the NSA doesn't have enough dirt on me already) and I got inspired to write a blog post about how Batman probably has rabies, statistically speaking. This accusation against Batman was pretty successful, and sparked some good conversations. So naturally, I did it again, explaining why Dracula has syphilis, which is a pretty well known allegory, since Bram Stoker showed several signs of the disease before he died.

 

Last week I posted about how Catwoman has Toxoplasmosis, a parasite that gets transmitted from cats to human. And now...I'm stumped. I've been beating my brain for other heroes, fiction characters, or movie protagonists, and all I can come up with are psychological ailments. Which I view as a cheap shot, because everyone has something wrong in the head.

 

Anyway, any suggestions would be helpful. You can read the Catwoman thing below, which also has links to Batman and Dracula. Figured I'd ask the most knowledgeable nerds I know.

 

Thanks all!

 

(P.S. if we're not allowed to post article links, I'll totally remove it.)

 

http://masksofmonsters.wordpress.com/2014/11/08/catwoman-has-toxoplasmosis/

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Yeah, Aquaman would have those horrid little gill-worms.

Wolverine would have every blood-transmissible retrovirus on earth from popping his claws back in; it's just irrelevant since his cells can presumably regenerate at superhuman speeds even with a close to infinite amount of junk DNA clogging them up.

 

James Bond would have herpes, genital warts, or some other nuisance STD; probably several. And the fact that we've never seen him buy a condom AND we've never met any illegitimate kids, means he's either had the snip, or he's naturally infertile. This is ignoring the kidney stones from being a hard drinker who only drinks spirits.

 

Batman and Hanta virus? Oh, Batman and interstitial lung disease from chronic ammonia inhalation / exposure: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15369278 (bit of a stretch).

 

Robin and bird flu ;) ?

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The Flash has athlete's foot.

No, the Flash probably has diabetes because of how much junk food he eats. I get that he has a super metabolism, but sugar is still sugar and still bad for you even if you're a super hero. I'd think it would be worse for you actually.

 

The Flash has his foot amputated after only 2 years of having a super charged metabolism. Sadness.

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Cyclops will probably develop some serious Melanoma, since they need the sun to recharge their powers.  While his body may absorb and metabolize some of the solar energy, doesn't mean it won't also potentially trigger some cancerous growth.

 

Scott, the Brotherhood is attacking!  Dammit, I am at the beach and wearing SPF 50, and it's water proof, I have no power!  Curse you villainous Dr. Daniel Ehrmaytologe.

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It's about time Superman gets some permanent radiation poisoning. Even though it's supposed to be extremely rare, he's *always* exposed to kryptonite.

 

Cyclops needs to get cataracts. Just try to operate on him without getting a faceful of optic blast while under anesthesia.

 

Wolverine's got worms from something he ate while feral. The worms are very happy with their host, they keep eating him from the inside, he keeps growing back for a second course.

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