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Dr.Bedlam

Things I Hate About Christmas

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I can buy a lot more elves for 30 bucks, and play Warlord with them when I'm done (assuming I ever get the book and learn the rules) Anyone who spends 30 bucks on a cheap elf toy is in need of some serious financial counselling. They should give the money to me, and free themselves of the temptation.

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What is an "elf on the shelf"?

It is an elf doll. It goes with a story about elf dolls that come to life and rat the child out to Santa. you know to get kids used to the idea that they are being spied on by an inscrutable and distant power, through agents of questionable effectiveness.

 

Also to try and scare your kid into being good for a month or so before Christmas. It is somewhat deplorable.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Elf_on_the_Shelf

kill it with fire, yes. I still need a Santa hat for Kaladrax, once I fix her wings.
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My least favorite part of Christmas? The dire whinging, pearl-clutching, and Gollum-esque screaming of "WE MUST SAVE THE PRECIOUS!" with regards to the Merry Chrstmas/Happy Holidays thing.

 

I'm the complete opposite of most of my family in this regard, and the repeated Facebook ramblings of my immediate family have, I fear, turned me into a supervillain. Because this is what I think every time.

 

*Bane voice*

 

Very well, if you do not desire to have happy holidays, than I shall wish upon you instead a never ending series of horrors spanning throughout the October 31 - Jan 1 corridor.

 

May your Halloween candy be infested with snails, your Thanksgiving turkey abscessed and diseased.

 

Upon each night of Hanukkah may you suffer a new and debilitating sickness. Wracking coughs, festering boils, itching pox, an incessant rash in an embarrassing locale, never-ceasing nasal leakage, light-abhorring migraines, dizziness, and finally Norovirus brought into your home by your cruise-taking kinsmen.

 

Upon Christmas Eve may your drunken Uncle Twitchy unleash a torrent of Pabst-scented vomit all over your tree centerpiece and all the brightly wrapped gifts placed underneath it.

 

Then and only then, for a few bright and shining hours will you be allowed to make merry until Christmas ceases to be and the unholy spectre of Boxing Day rises in its place, upon which your ear will be chewed off by a slightly rabid Mike Tyson.

 

With the light behind you, you will have nothing left to look forward to, and take to your cups, the drunken depression overwhelming you until New Year's Eve, when in your inebriated state something untoward occurs lodging pine needles in places you didn't even know you had as you drag the tinsel-covered corpse of a once vibrant, viridian sentinel to the curbside.

 

And as the year succumbs to old age and baby new year claws himself forth from the distended belly of his predecessor, you experience the titan-mother of all hangovers, giving birth to the world through your skull.

 

And this all could have been avoided had you accepted my well wishes for peace and harmony during the manifold celebrations of the winter season, accepted good tidings and cheer for something beyond one single rotation of the world.

 

This is what you wanted.

 

This is what you asked for.

 

This.... is your merry Christmas.

 

*maniacal laughter*

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"Merry" means "inebriated." Just saying.

Edited by Pingo
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Things I hate about Christmas: Pretty much what everyone else has hated about Christmas. :lol:

 

Also, the tendency of certain people to act all mopey because they're alone. This extends to Valentine's Day too. Holidays are what you make of them and no one will ever be attracted to you if you act all freaking mopey all the dang time. So stop acting mopey and get out there and be merry and bright! (though not necessarily inebriated >.>)

 

It also annoys me that "the media" makes like we have to be with someone during the holidays. Yes, it's much nicer to be with people you care about during the holidays, but that doesn't mean a romantic relationship. Stop making people feel bad!!

 



 



What is an "elf on the shelf"?

It is an elf doll. It goes with a story about elf dolls that come to life and rat the child out to Santa. you know to get kids used to the idea that they are being spied on by an inscrutable and distant power, through agents of questionable effectiveness.

 

Also to try and scare your kid into being good for a month or so before Christmas. It is somewhat deplorable. 

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Elf_on_the_Shelf

 

See also Michel Foucault's Discipline & Punish. Just to give it creepy over tones =P

Edited by redambrosia
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What is an "elf on the shelf"?

It is an elf doll. It goes with a story about elf dolls that come to life and rat the child out to Santa. you know to get kids used to the idea that they are being spied on by an inscrutable and distant power, through agents of questionable effectiveness.

 

Also to try and scare your kid into being good for a month or so before Christmas. It is somewhat deplorable.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Elf_on_the_Shelf

kill it with fire, yes. I still need a Santa hat for Kaladrax, once I fix her wings.

I like the Kaladrax on the shelf. She makes elf pudding out of spies.

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Wow, lot of hatred for EotS.  Given the amount of fun my kids have had with the elves and the fun I have had setting up the dioramas each night with their mischief, the $19.99 I spent on each elf has been well worth the entertainment value.  Granted, I sort of go a little crazy.  My elves have had suits of armor, did the saw in elf in half magic trick, play D&D, shoot arrows with my wife's harp, built lego sets, played crazy board games, etc.

 

For my kids, it helps perpetuate the magic of Christmas.  They are 5 and 8, and I expect this may be the last year my daughter believes without question in Santa :down:.  Anything that helps keep that childlike wonder and awe of Christmas magic is okay in my book.

 

Sure it's commercial, because you have to buy it, and it is a little expensive, except most of those sets also come with a hard cover children's book as well as the figure.  It's also not all that new.  The book and figure came out in 2005.  It's just in the past couple years gone big time through exposure.

 

We have several classroom elves in our school as well.  

 

The kids really love it.  It is fun and exciting for them.  Really, that is all it matters.

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Wow, lot of hatred for EotS.

Oh, I don't hate that specifically. I'm rather indifferent to it. But as another characterization of one of the powers which watch your every move, so you better be good or else, I just find it interesting. Especially after having slogged my way through (some) of Foucault (which is terribly difficult reading, though I understand it slightly easier if you read it in French).

 

That's actually one thing that has bothered me about Christmas for a while, ever since (a) I realized Santa had the exact same hand writing as my mom and (b) I found the wrapping paper Santa used last year with all the rest of our wrapping paper. Those two things happened around the same time. I suppose it didn't help that my parents raised me to be a thinking person and that while I enjoy magical things, magical thinking is not in my nature.

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It's also not all that new.  The book and figure came out in 2005.  It's just in the past couple years gone big time through exposure.

 

Anything coming out after 1980 is new.

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I guess I should thank you for that comment, since i was born in 1982 i would be new by that logic. At 32 years old I was starting to feel like I was getting old.

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Things I dislike, besides the obvious maddening Stupid People And Maddening Songs:

 

1.  The Magi were Parthian, not European.  Stop drawing them as flowingly-bearded Italians.

1a.  We don't know how many there were.  Please stop insisting on two Caucasian and one African, plus obligatory camel, in your promotional materials.

2.  Same with Mary and Joseph.

3.  Jesus was probably neither white nor glowing.

4.  The Magi were NOT AT THE MANGER, so please, Church sunday school curricula, STOP PUTTING THEM THERE.

 

I ended up doing Sunday School last Sunday due to a lapse in scheduling for the traditional service.  I ended up ad-libbing a kids' gospel message from the historical and theological context and implications of The Massacre of the Innocents.

Edited by Froggy the Great
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I actually love Christmas. Kinda funny, since I'm an atheist, but I love the sights, smells and sounds of Christmas. I love sitting under multi-colored lights (the big ones that are becoming more rare), and yes, I even love Christmas music.

 

I can ignore the religious aspects (strange, since I consider religion a particularly toxic form of mental illness - my own opinion, please leave it at that. Let's not get this taken to Beekeepers).

 

I can even get behind the "good will t'ward men" bit for the most part, as long as they don't get too pushy. And I do avoid the shopping crowds like the plague. Bah! Humbug! ;p

 

I know it may not sound like it, but I really do love Christmas. Just not this year. This year I'd like to hibernate.

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Things I dislike, besides the obvious maddening Stupid People And Maddening Songs:

 

1.  The Magi were Parthian, not European.  Stop drawing them as flowingly-bearded Italians.

1a.  We don't know how many there were.  Please stop insisting on two Caucasian and one African, plus obligatory camel, in your promotional materials.

2.  Same with Mary and Joseph.

3.  Jesus was probably neither white nor glowing.

4.  The Magi were NOT AT THE MANGER, so please, Church sunday school curricula, STOP PUTTING THEM THERE.

 

I ended up doing Sunday School last Sunday due to a lapse in scheduling for the traditional service.  I ended up ad-libbing a kids' gospel message from the historical and theological context and implications of The Massacre of the Innocents.

Don't forget that according to astronomers, Jesus would have been born sometime between March and June...

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