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OneBoot

Need some advice on how to comfort a young friend

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I'm sorry to hear it. I sincerely hope that everything works out in the best way possible for all involved.

 

>hug<

positive waves heading your way.

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Hugs, and lots of love.

 

As a very young parent, having considered divorce myself several times, I can safely say that the thing most important to me when trying to make everything work out was my daughter. Sometimes, however, it is better to cut the wound open than to let it fester.

 

And... love is love. Love is not being in the same house, or not even loving the same people or things your spouse loves. Love is not material things. Keep your love up. When MY parents split up, I was put in a rough spot being the elder kid, and I can tell you... my mum needed the love more than I did, so I had to be strong for her. She still needs her kids' love, as much as we need hers.

 

So whatever happens, try to cheer up because if you love them, and they love you, but their relationship didn't work out well... family is about love not about parents being together. 

 

Man, I sound like some 70's hippie don't I?

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Hugs and warm comfort your way...

 

I have never had to deal with divorce among any of my family so, I don't have much experience with it.  All I can do is wish you the best and that it ends well.   

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Best wishes, and prayers Boot. If you need someone to vent at, you can drop me a pm any time. I'm not always smart, but I am good at listening

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*offers one boot hugs*

 

He didn't just violate your mothers trust but the family's trust.

 

I'm sorry you and yours are having to go through this. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

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He didn't just violate your mothers trust but the family's trust.

 

 

I just wanted to relate to this, because this is what in the end happened to me. My father had been cheated on my mum for many years before coming home and telling her "I don't love you, and it's your fault", basically. Then he told me I was too young and just didn't undertand (I was 18 at the moment). I was old enough to understand respect, and didn't see it there.

 

Things are better since then, after many years without talking to him now we are in talking terms, we meet at my grandma's for dinner when he comes to the city (he is living far away). But for me, unfortunately, he's just someone else out there. I lost my respect for him.

 

So what I said above, it will break your heart but you need to focus on love. Love of the people around you, love you have for them. Make peace with the situation, make the best of it and take refuge in the people you love and that loves you back. At the very least, you have us, we are perhaps far away and merely hugging each other through a screen but we are here. We care for each other, I believe, for the relations we build here. I have never met you and I would still chat with you for ours if you felt the need, because I have learnt to appreciate you and many others here.

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Necro-post...

 

I was able to talk to R only for a little bit a couple of months ago, and haven't been able to since due to schedules not matching up, and also the last time I tried to get ahold of her she just had a status update that she'd lost the game we were able to communicate through. The Nintendo 3DS is extremely limiting about ways that players can communicate with each other.  -_-

 

However, the main reason I'm posting is because I wanted to thank you all again for your words of strength and comfort. I remembered this thread and re-read everyone's advice after finding out that...well...there's a possibility my parents may be separating. I know that it's not my fault or the fault of any of my siblings, I know that they both still love all of us, and that it was the result of some poor choices my father made. My father is finally getting the help he needs, though, which is good, but trust has been broken yet again, which will take a very, very long time to heal.

 

It's not for certain yet, but I know that if this is what will be best, then I will do my best to be supportive.

 

It still hurts, though. It hurts so much.

 

--OneBoot

 

 

I wish you strength and all things positive.

 

Reading your post - It could still go in all directions.

Whatever the outcome, humans are not flawless, and not every relationship lasts forever.

 

You can support the ones you love in your own way.

Hopefully they will do the same.

 

Here is a Hug from the Netherlands ...

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Uffa... I went through something similar around the time I was starting college. It's hard/sad/funny to think back on it and realize that because of the choices dad made back then, that's the reason I won't be calling him today. We haven't spoken in over a decade. And that sucks. 

 

On the flip side, I'm so glad my ex and I didn't have kids. It was hard enough for the corgis.  ::(:

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Thank you so much, everyone. Finally got a chance to talk to my folks today, and sounds like things are in sort of a holding pattern at the moment. My dad was prepared to rent an apartment, but his father convinced him to come stay with him for a month or so, see how things go. Give both of my parents time to talk and sort things out, get some distance for a little.

 

Just wanted to clarify that I'm in no way mad at or upset at either of them, personally. My father is not a bad person, but he made some poor choices early in life that haven't been adequately addressed until now. The fact that he's openly acknowledging that he has a problem, and is now very actively pursuing help in overcoming it, means a lot to me. I'm honestly more concerned about my mother; she tends to hold things in and not talk about sensitive subjects, particularly with her kids, because I know she's still trying to protect us from being hurt by this. I know she's definitely not going to see a counselor. So I feel a little helpless to know how to support her other than just letting her know I love her and I'm here if she wants to talk.  -_-

 

Been doing a lot of thinking and praying and soul-searching lately, and I'm to the point now where I feel fairly peaceful about it; that whatever happens, whether my parents stay together or not, will be what's best for everyone. I plan to fully support their decision, no matter what it is.

 

My husband and I will be going to visit both of our families in about a week (they live within just a couple miles of each other, makes visiting easy). We'll see how things go. Won't lie, it'll be tough, but I think it'll ultimately be a good thing, being able to talk to each other in person.

 

Thanks for listening; it's helping me sort through stuff just being able to talk about it with you guys.

 

--OneBoot

Edited by OneBoot
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