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Red Light District


Dr.Bedlam
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Mmm...hum ta tum... hmm hmm...Mon Dieu! What is this? Is it that the traffic light has turned green? The light is green? Do my eyes deceive me? I must look again.


 


Is this, then, the color men call Green? I should be certain before taking my foot off that which men call Brake. One cannot be too careful, in these uncertain times.


 


Yes, it appears green. But, then, what if that which men call Eyes, that is to say, my eyes, are at fault? What if they have chosen to betray me? Mais non, non, the traffic in the lane NEXT to me is advancing, which I think they would not do if the light was still red. Still, there need not be haste. One should consider such matters at length, rather than make an expensive mistake.


 


Is it, then, if it is truly green, green ENOUGH? Perhaps if I wait, it will grow greener, and thus, more auspicious for acceleration...


 


Sacre merde! Why is this silly man in the automobile which men call Behind Me, honking, and being discourteous and disharmonious, thus disturbing my subtle meditation on the greenness of the traffic light? Fool! Mouton! Your impatience shall be the death of you!


 


Now I must start over... eh? What is this? The light, she is NOT green. She is, 'ow you say,yellow! Ah! So it is not for this time to advance my automobile through the intersection! Plainly, I must wait for a better time. Fortunately, I am in no hurry whatsoever, and perhaps, to the eyes of those outside my vehicle, high as a treeful of monkeys.


 


The man behind me, why has he in his hand the tire iron? And why does he leave his vehicle...? 


 

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No. School gave me the day off, but I had to attend an inservice. I dislike inservices, since they are basically just exercises in bahonkus covering, as opposed to getting anything useful done. And so, when I ducked out for lunch, I wasn't in a great mood.

And then I got behind the [expletive deleted] at the red light.

I did not leave the car, nor did I take tire iron in hand. But it was a near thing, and my fingers itched for the trunk release. I don't know what the guy's malfunction was. He wasn't on his phone. He wasn't texting. And he looked at me irritatedly over his shoulder when I honked at him. HEY, FOOL, THE LIGHT IS GREEEEEEEEN!

And he sat there staring at it like he expected to see the Eye of Sauron, or maybe Gypsy Rose Lee's Famous Fan Dance in it... and did not budge.

Jerk.

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Out of state Florida drivers. I'm sorry Floridians, for some reason when you aren't driving in your state, you can drive like crazy people. Every near accident I've had in the last ten years was with a Florida driver doing something irresponsible. Its not that they're texting or talking on the phone. It's this strange belief that on a three lane highway, when you want to change lanes you break to really slow speeds and try to merge into a lane of people driving the speed limit. If my poor car could handle a hit without the insurance junking her then I'd let you hit me, but she can't so instead you get the appreciation of my middle digit and a few choice words of pirates for your driving incompetence.

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I still own my first car....and my second, and third, and my second was my fourth again, and....yeah, it's a good thing we live on a farm, I currently am in possesion of five cars. four of which are parked out by the barn until they get hauled away as scrap

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And I don't want a new car. :( how many people can say that they're still driving their first car? :P

 

 Well, since I finally bought my first new car (and the first one I didn't have a co-signer on the loan for) back in 2009, I'd still be driving it if it hadn't been stolen...

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... Fortunately, I am in no hurry whatsoever, and perhaps, to the eyes of those outside my vehicle, high as a treeful of monkeys.

 

 

LOL!

 

This reminds me...

 

Unfortunately, in my area, there are regular accidents and even fatalities at the two nearest train depots, due partly to bad design and heavy traffic, but due largely to bad decisions.

 

So you would expect people to be extra careful around the tracks, yes? Yes! But...

 

Almost every day, as the line of cars ahead of me proceeds across the tracks, at least one of them will stop ON THE TRACKS, to "carefully" and "cautiously" look both ways before proceeding further. Causing me, of course, to shout, "ONCE YOU'RE ON THE TRACKS, IT'S TOO LATE TO STOP AND LOOK BOTH WAYS!"

 

(Napoleon Dynamite Voice) Idiots!

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 ...so instead you get the appreciation of my middle digit and a few choice words of pirates for your driving incompetence.

If you ever run out of words, let me know.

 

I'm usually driving my company car during the week(to/from work) so I really don't care. That said, I'm still very careful. I've abused my body badly enough when I was younger, and it's starting to come back to haunt me now, I'd rather not add any more damage.

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