He Sees You When You're Sleeping

[Dr.Bedlam]

"...you see, sweetie, the biggest bone Santa Claus has is in his HEAD. That means he can squeeze through any crack or hole that he can get his head into. That's why he likes chimneys; they're bigger than his head. But it's okay if you don't have a chimney. Santa Claus can get in through cracks in the foundation, loose or unsecure siding, unused plumbing, or even second story windows, which Bob Vila says is the best way to let him in in the first place. So don't worry, sweetie, Santa will be there. He's inevitable."

And as we stood in the checkout line, the little girl sitting in the grocery basket looked at me in joyful open mouthed wonder, while her mother looked at me with utter horror. 

Apropos of nothing, this adorable little girl who was maybe four years of age had engaged me in conversation in the checkout line; her subject of choice was Santa Claus. She had expressed concern that since they had moved to a new home, Santa wouldn't be able to get in, for all that Mommy had made sure to send him the new address, because the new place did not have a fireplace. I felt bad for the poor moppet, and proceeded to quote her chapter and verse from an episode of "This Old House," and simply substituted the words "Santa Claus" for the word "rat."

Don't you worry your cute little head, sweetie doll; just you listen to Unca Doc. He knows.

Man, I'm goin' to hell in EVERY religion....

 

[ShadowRaven]

Doc, you are a crazy crazy man

[Dr.Bedlam]

Yes, but a little girl will sleep easier and happier tonight, for what I have done.

Her mother, on the other hand...

[FaekiasDracon]

They also make and sell "keys" that you leave hanging beside the door for Santa. They look like old fashioned skeleton keys but are plastic and far too big to fit in most any lock, the card they come on explains that this is a magical key that can only be used by Santa to open your door on Christmas Eve so you don't have to worry about robbers, etc. I'm just waiting to have some well read child ask me why we are selling clearly very magical items for only $2 at work, I am prepared with the answer that these are items Santa makes and he makes many many of them and asks us to sell them cheaply so that all families can afford one. Then of course I will have to explain that Santa Clause Inc. has had to outsource much of its workforce to China as the item in question is clearly stamped "made in China".

[ShadowRaven]

"there are only so many elves, So China is taking up the slack" ?? I don't know if there is a way to say that which won't be viewed as racist by someone...

[Chaoswolf]

Thanks for that, Doc. I needed a laugh today.

[buglips*the*goblin]

And yet, I am considered the evil one.

 

That's democracy for you.

[ShadowRaven]

that's because the surprises Santa leaves behind tend not to be squishy and foul smelling...and are generally not left in the hallway.....

[kitchen_wolf]

Maybe not every religion:

 

 

 

 

 

SWMBO has 4 cats.  I can always tell when Santa has visited the house because soft rending sounds come from under the bed.

[buglips*the*goblin]

that's because the surprises Santa leaves behind tend not to be squishy and foul smelling...and are generally not left in the hallway.....

I thought leaving cookies was tradition.

[ShadowRaven]

 

that's because the surprises Santa leaves behind tend not to be squishy and foul smelling...and are generally not left in the hallway.....

I thought leaving cookies was tradition.

 

         

[Pezler the Polychromatic]

Alright, so Santa keeps a record of the "naughty" kids each "year".......... and the year doesn't begin until January 1st........that leaves 6 days after Christmas and before New years day that's undocumented by him. That means nothing you do in that time can be held against you.

[Dr.Bedlam]

They also make and sell "keys" that you leave hanging beside the door for Santa. They look like old fashioned skeleton keys but are plastic and far too big to fit in most any lock, the card they come on explains that this is a magical key that can only be used by Santa to open your door on Christmas Eve so you don't have to worry about robbers, etc. I'm just waiting to have some well read child ask me why we are selling clearly very magical items for only $2 at work, I am prepared with the answer that these are items Santa makes and he makes many many of them and asks us to sell them cheaply so that all families can afford one. Then of course I will have to explain that Santa Clause Inc. has had to outsource much of its workforce to China as the item in question is clearly stamped "made in China".

Good ol' fashion horsefeathers 's cheaper. And doesn't contribute to the trade imbalance!

[Glitterwolf]

Great explanation Doc.

 

Just don't show that Santa pic to little girls.

[Mattnuke]

At least Krampus didn't come up in polite conversation.....