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Paladin Question: Love or Honor?


Runestone_Cowboy
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I may be reading things into it, but to me the OP implies an "A is betrothed to B, but loves C" type of triangle. Where A has a duty to B, B genuinely cares for A, but AC is a reciprocal love-match (and A is the Paladin, for purposes of this exercise). And, in this case, C has expressed feelings that A should fulfil duties to B, despite the AC match.

 

In this case, it is pretty clear there is a legal and cultural (and probably familial, possibly political) duty for A to marry B. A paladin sworn to uphold the laws of the land, the traditions of his people, the honor of his family or the needs of his ruler must, to avoid breaking his oath, fulfil this duty.

 

If, on the other hand, the "betrothal" is only between the paladin and B (e.g., a modern-style engagement, with no input or weight from the families involved), the paladin may break this promise to B (unless his Paladin's Oath includes "never break a promise"). I would suggest that an honorable and righteous fellow might offer some form of restitution (even without a formal betrothal, an engagement might lead B's family to plan for A's future income, or similar) if appropriate, but without a formal vow of intention to marry (or whatever form of pair-bonding is used in the culture), this sounds like it's just a break-up.

 

Pregnancy adds a whole 'nother level of obligation. But that's another post.

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Hmmm, I am going to fall back on the classics - 

 

To Lucasta, Going to the War

 

Tell me not (Sweet) I am unkind,
         That from the nunnery
Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind
         To war and arms I fly.

True, a new mistress now I chase,
         The first foe in the field;
And with a stronger faith embrace
         A sword, a horse, a shield.

Yet this inconstancy is such
         As you too shall adore;
I could not love thee (Dear) so much,
         Lov’d I not Honour more.
 
And there is always the patron saint of paladins....
 
 
The Auld Grump - my good lady was unsurprised that I could sing the entirety of Man of la Mancha.... Though I think myself mor a Sancho Panza than that good Don.
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Ahh. See, that's an entirely different spin.

 

And the wife in this case... may very well want a separation. There is clearly something deeply wrong with the marriage and husband and wife need to talk. Being with someone out of habit or expectation is no reason to stay together. I know from very personal and recent experience. It was hurting us both and the kids.

 

Staying breeds contempt and, eventually, resentment as he'll blame her for the lost chance with the other love.

 

They need to talk, decide if they want to work things out, or part. But spurning, and doing her own thing tells me his wife has made her choice. Speaking as a woman, and once wife in a very similar situation... I had.

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It sucks, but it happens.

 

If he feels this is irreparable, then it is going to be irreparable.

 

Putting off the inevitable is always crueler, in my long, winding experience.

 

We all have bad crap to live with. We may as well try to be as happy as we can, while we can, and try to give others that opportunity, as well.

 

If he cannot give 100% to the wife (and it sounds like neither can she), then he is not giving her that opportunity.

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It sucks, but it happens.

 

If he feels this is irreparable, then it is going to be irreparable.

 

Putting off the inevitable is always crueler, in my long, winding experience.

 

We all have bad crap to live with. We may as well try to be as happy as we can, while we can, and try to give others that opportunity, as well.

 

If he cannot give 100% to the wife (and it sounds like neither can she), then he is not giving her that opportunity.

This.

 

We went the counseling route, too. It was best for us to part. I did not ask for the divorce in the best way, but by then things had devolved into a horrible mess of hurt.

 

Parting before the hurt becomes too deep to heal is best. Even if he doesn't end up with C, he can salvage his heart for the future and learn.

 

Too late, you give up on ever trying again, even when a chance for something wonderful is standing in front of you.

Edited by Kheprera
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