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With my wife and I preparing to buy a house we've been clearing out a lot of our clutter to make packing and moving easier. We've also been working hard to bring in extra money too, and this project will hopefully do both.
Today my wife signed up for a craft fair to help sell the wreaths she's been making for the upcoming holidays. From what she's heard from friends and other crafters this particular craft fair is really eclectic and pulls in quite a diverse crowd. As she told me about it that's when the idea seemed to hit us both, why not try to clear out all that terrain junk I've been hoarding?
So instead of sitting down and painting or creating my latest joke piece I got started. First up was a couple of single tent encampments. I made one on a rounded base to better fit in a table of terrain and I made the second one squared to fit better on a grid system.
Both pieces have their good and bad points but like usual I learn by doing; no amount of research or prep work make up for actual experience. Which is the main reason I made these single tent camps. Hopefully I've learned enough to make any subsequent larger camps better.
Next up are a couple of joke pieces that were honestly going to get made anyway. That's right, they'll be 40k statues when I'm done with them, besides Buzz looks kinda like a space marine already. I had some glue left over so I also started making some sci-fi barrels and I know I'll be making a ton of those.
The last piece of the night is going to be a simple 40k watchtower. At the moment it's really just in its infancy. The main features are finished barring creating a door and applying some details to the piece.
Now before anyone gets too excited, I'm not selling any of these pieces online or anything like that. These are literally pieces that are made to be sold for less than five bucks or so and are really only being made to clear out my hobby hoardings.
Keith is very happy that he joined the Cult of the Obsidian Otter. He's met lots of like-minded people, he's getting plenty of fresh air and all that axe-swinging is building his upper body strength.
And the fact he can't get She Sells Sanctuary out of his head is just a bonus.
A memory from long ago:
My roommates, Max and Winnie, were goin’ to the coast for the weekend. I would have liked to have gone along, but it was strongly implied that there would be much slap and tickle, and I didn’t wanna be a third wheel, and I did have things to do in town, and so I remained.
I was a dedicated Warhammer player at the time, and there were miniatures to paint. I spent a good chunk of the weekend painting goblins. And when Max and Winnie returned from the coast, it occurred to me that perhaps the slap and tickle had been rather abbreviated. Winnie in particular was burnt in that way that indicates that NO one is allowed within three feet of her. I mean, she was SUNBURNT.
I was kind of surprised -- she had dark hair and olive skin, whereas Max was more of the glow in the dark German/Irish guy -- but apparently, he’d remained under shade more, because he was a little red, but you could durn near see Winnie in infrared, she was so burnt. Get your hand within six inches, and you could feel the heat!
And apparently, sleeping that Sunday night was a bit of an issue. There was literally no way the poor woman could lie down without feeling like she was on a well upholstered griddle.
And on Monday morning, she’d had enough. “Doc?” she asked. “Do you know of any over the counter medications that will stop the agony of a serious sunburn? Or do you possibly have any drugs that will flatten me and turn my brain off until I start to peel?”
“Regrettably,” I said, “I am drugless. But there IS a thing I know of that will pretty much kill the pain instantly, and can be had at any drugstore, although it’s not without side effects.”
“And the side effects are?”
“You will peel FASTER. And WORSE. And you will largely lose the tan you were looking for. Slather the stuff on today, and your pain will cease pretty much immediately. Tomorrow night, you will start to blister and peel. By Wednesday night, you will look like some sort of leper with cancer. By Thursday night, you will merely look freakish. And by Friday, you should be more or less presentable, as long as you’re not wearing a backless evening gown with slits upskirt.”
“But the pain stops right away?”
“Within a minute or two of application.”
“Doc, the only parts that don’t hurt right now are my scalp, the inside of my mouth, and the soles of my feet. It literally HURTS to BLINK. Where can I get this stuff, and how soon?.”
And we went out and got a large jar of Noxzema, and she and Max went into the bathroom and coated her with the stuff. And while I did not have any role in the slathering, I found her agonized groans of pain... and then pleasure, as the pain faded... more than a little chucklesome. And by the time their skins had absorbed literally most of the jar of the stuff, they emerged, much relaxed and refreshed, and able to wear clothes without constant low grade agony, and I was treated to a lovely dinner by the grateful unsuffering. And all was well.
The following evening, Winnie looked like a pox victim. Thing about Noxzema? It cools the skin and kills the pain, but it also causes burnt skin to die quicker, and it blisters. Not PAINFUL blisters, but the skin’s moisture pools up under the dead skin of a bad sunburn, and makes you look like you’ve broken out in little pea-sized blister things. She looked like she had the plague.
“I don’t &%@$# care,” she said. “I can sleep at night.”
By the next morning, the blisters had broken... and she had begun to peel. And this began to bother her, because her skin was still quite sensitive, and little floppy patches of skin flopping around whenever she moved, under her shirt, was starting to bug her.
By Thursday morning, we’d resorted to stripping her down to her skivvies and literally peeling her flesh off in strips. And SHEETS. She was literally peeling in sheets. Max in particular was fascinated by this, and began trying to perforate the dead skin in order to get as large a sheet off at one time as possible. And his fingernails were apparently irritating, and before long, she was screeching and growling and cursing like a sailor to get Max to stop trying to peel hanky-sized chunks off, it felt weird enough as it WAS!
And while Max kept trying to beat his personal best, I looked at the sheets of skin I was peeling off. An inch wide, or more, and sometimes two or three inches long. Translucent, sort of, but a sort of taupe color. Tatty. Torn. And I wondered...
And I ran and got a wire clothes hanger, hung it on the lamp next to me, and began hanging strips of human flesh from it, as I peeled them off Winnie’s back and shoulders. Yes, I know it’s weird. Even Max noticed. “What are you doing?”
“An experiment,” I said.
And Winnie slept better than ever that night. And in the morning, I looked at the hanger with the strips of skin on them. They were still a sort of tannish color, and had dried. They looked all the world like tattered little banners.
I picked the hanger up and held it sideways. The strips had dried and stiffened, and now they looked like tattered flags, flying in the wind. The experiment had been a success. I took the hanger with the strips of flesh, and ran to my workbench... ...and an hour later, several of the Goblins of the Evil Rune were now carrying staffs with banners, flying in the wind. They looked great.
When Winnie saw them, she was a little bumfuzzled. Max, on the other hand, thought they looked awesome. And upon realizing the sheer METALNESS of a goblin army, charging into battle flying flags and banners made from HER FLESH, she actually took a weird sort of pride in it. It's not like SHE was using the skin any more. Me? I just liked they way they looked, and the way they almost flapped in the wind...
Couple months later, I was at a store to play a game. A guy was examining my critters. “Okay, what did you make the banners out of?” he asked. “I use tissue paper, but yours don’t have a texture. What, did you coat them with something? What IS that stuff?”
And without missing a beat, I answered, “Human flesh.”
“Sunburnt human flesh, peeled slowly from the spine of a screaming woman,” I said. Completely deadpan. Making eye contact.
He hesitated. “Seriously? Sunburn peelings?”
“And what did the woman think of this?”
“At first, she screamed,” I said. “But later, she sorta got into it.” Still completely deadpan.
He looked at me funny, and walked off.
Later, I stomped his Bretonnian army into the ground. He kept looking at the goblins’ banners....
So recently one of my wargaming friends has been really trying to get someone in our group to kitbash together some Imperial Guard Rough Riders. Not exactly sure why he doesn't just build some and I had decided to just ignore him when inspiration hit. While hanging around some GW kit bashing forums I came across an image.
I have absolutely no idea where this image actually came from, it was a repost of a repost. In the end it didn't matter though, I knew I could pull off something similar and more importantly I could build most of the project using only pieces on hand. Only needing wheels and bases means these will be very cheap to make.
After getting lucky on eBay I have a ton of guardsmen, but ten of them just don't fit my current army. They do however fit this project perfectly. Step one was getting them off their bases and that GW plastic melting glue really made that hard. Luckily I was able to get them all detached without injuring myself.
The rest came together really quickly. I swapped out some arms, trimmed some sprue pieces, raided my bits bags, and trimmed down some toothpicks. Here is my final result.
Now the search for wheels begins.
Vending Machine Tech (Grade C) Dave thought he'd sneak off to Deck 17 for a quick cig.
Dave can rest in peace knowing the rest of his crew will be dead in 11 hours, the Hyperion mining colony slaughtered by Monday and Earth's population wiped out by July.
(I cannot believe I primed, based, shaded/highlighted the parasite only to end up plastering it in Vallejo Red and B4TBG)
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