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Has this ever happened to you? What did you do?


Daewen98
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2 hours ago, Nunae said:

My mother once upon a time sold some of my books. Not gave them away, sold them. She had bought some of them and given them to me as Christmas/Birthday presents, and saw no problem in selling them again because of that. Of course she didn't ask my permission first or gave me the money she made.

 

 

Problem is, not all parents are willing to have adult conversations with their teenage/young adult children. Yes, I get that a lot of the children might get too emotional, but a discussion like this in my family would go "well, respect your elders, I thought you were too messy, my house my rules, we have done so much for you, if you don't like it, leave". I even got that "respect your elders" thing when I politely asked my aunt to stop calling me fat after I had already moved out. And that's the half of the family I get along with better.

Having "done so much for you" does not provide validation or license for doing things to you, like messing with your head.

Once you meet the age of legal majority and are out of the house that respect thing is something that must be earned, and then validated through an ongoing process.

Given the number of dysfunctional parents inflicting their own unresolved parental issues on their children, I'm becoming convinced that Parenting Licenses will be a requirement in about another generation.

GEM

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29 minutes ago, Dr.Bedlam said:


The Monster's feelings echo my own.

I had a similar situation when I left home for college. Left to begin the summer sessions... came home at the end of the summer for a few weeks before the fall semester... and "What did you do with all my STUFF?"

"Oh, you didn't take it with you, so we thought you didn't want it."

I explained with some heat that I could not possibly jam everything I owned in a 1974 Chevy Impala and half a dorm room, and how would YOU feel if I randomly discarded YOUR possessions, on the assumption that you didn't want them? Particularly when converting the only home I had into a sewing room and musical instrument storage with a folding rolly bunk jammed into the corner like an afterthought?

Eventually, a state of equilibrium was reached, but it was a pretty serious breach of trust on my part; most of my old Grenadier minis were gone, most of my original Traveller materials, and a variety of other items to make geeks weep. That, and the rolly bunk, unlike my lost bed, was narrower than my shoulders.

Still burns my biscuits, 36 years later.

And this is NOT a thing one does when one respects the property of others; this is a thing one does when one thinks "well, I have no interest in these items, therefore they are crap, therefore, I will act accordingly." Or, to paraphrase George Carlin, my stuff is my stuff, but your stuff is crap.

Grrr.

I wish I could offer useful advice that others have not yet offered. 

I am, however, curious: Of all the people to whom this has HAPPENED... has there ever been a parental figure or guilty party who said something akin to "Oh, wow. I made a terrible mistake, and I must therefore stand financially responsible for discarding your property. In what way may I offer you immediate monetary compensation for my error?"

Because I've never heard of any of the guilty parties actually doing that, though I have heard several stories of this sort.

 

 

 

Sad Face because of the nature of the [horror] stories and the too accurate observation on people taking liberties and license and avoiding responsibilities because "parent".

Such persons fall into the category of biological progenitor. 

They in no way meet any specification included in the Job Description of Parent.

GEM

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Perhaps I am reading too much into this. The OP, after all, indicates that the parent in question made a mistake, as opposed to wanting a music room and not wanting to pack all the stuff up and put it into storage, after all.

Mistakes happen.

But if I make a mistake with your property, the correct thing to do is to compensate you, after all. Isn't this the entire basis behind the auto insurance industry?

Edited by Dr.Bedlam
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I inherited my own pack-rat tendencies from my parents, so fortunately, I've never faced your situation.  But I do have a story.

A friend of mine was going through a divorce back in the 90s. He had moved out of the house and filed for it after he caught his wife cheating.  His soon to be ex decided that he owed her money, and tried to sell his gaming stuff that was still in the garage of the house.  The problem for her was that the only people she knew who could help her sell it were all friends of her husband. There were a couple of us she knew would tell him, but others she thought she could appeal to, so she reached out to them. When they tipped him off as to what she was trying to do, she flipped out and threw it all away before he got back to their house to retrieve it.  I can't recall if it was $6k or $16k worth of books and miniatures, but as a result, the divorce took a heck of a lot longer, and required several court appearances by his friends where the extent of his collection (mostly 40k, Epic and 1:300 WW2) and its value was established.  Her momentary vengeance against him cost her big time, and more than just the money she was found to owe him - it damaged her credibility in the rest of the proceedings. 

 

 

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25 minutes ago, Dr.Bedlam said:

Perhaps I am reading too much into this. The OP, after all, indicates that the parent in question made a mistake, as opposed to wanting a music room and not wanting to pack all the stuff up and put it into storage, after all.

Mistakes happen.

But if I make a mistake with your property, the correct thing to do is to compensate you, after all. Isn't this the entire basis behind the auto insurance industry?

It is actually the basis for all Property Law derived from English Law.

And yes, the discussion has ranged rather far from the OP's problem, which Ig ather from reading subsequent posts is being worked on with the active assistance of the parental unit.

GEM

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Mistakes do happen and while I would really like to have financial assistance in finding and buying my items again, I doubt I will receive it.

 

Good news so far:

The wolf head necklace has been found by the donation company.

 

Bad news:

No miniatures were found so far and they made it very clear that there is a very strong chance that the miniatures have been disposed of as being seen as no resale value by them.

 

 

They'll look some more tomorrow for them so please send me good thoughts, prayers or any means of swaying the forces that be so that all the items are found tomorrow! Thank you all for chatting and giving me advice on how to handle this, where to look for new miniatures and stories of your own or someone you know who went through something like this.

 

Thank you all!

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My then-girlfriend-now-wife's flat was burgled about six years ago. I basically lived there, despite not being on the lease, and I had a bunch of stuff in the lounge in boxes that had been in my recently deceased car (whole 'nother story). Whoever did it was just grabbing whatever they could, including my boxes, food items and alcohol from the kitchen, a guitar from outside our bedroom, and a full-size Star Wars AT-AT walker toy (like, one of those big-elf ones to go with the standard figures) that belonged to one of the other flatmates.

I lost a whole Army Painter mega paint set, the entire range of Secret Weapon washes, an army of Copplestone 15mm barbarians, a decently sized CD collection, various other minis and comics... there were Magic cards taken as well, but they were sold to the local card shop and I recognised a distinctive misprint so I was able to reclaim that part of the haul.

Never found out who did it, but seeing as how we were at home and sleep at the time I'm just glad nobody got hurt.

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9 hours ago, Daewen98 said:

 

Good news so far:

The wolf head necklace has been found by the donation company.

 

 Well, that's the important thing.

 

The rest of it is just stuff, and in the end stuff is meaningless - physical possessions come and go regardless of how much we want to hold onto them, but it's the memories that attached to them that are the important thing, and those stick with us long after the objects are gone.

 

 

Edited by Mad Jack
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19 hours ago, Aryanun said:

I have never heard of any parental units issuing an apology, much less offering financial compensation.

 

I had one friend who had not yet come out as gay, who's mother tossed in the garbage all of his gaming books. AD&D 1st edition. It established a routine of her trying to control him and make him deny himself. He attempted suicide.

 

He finally freed himself of her yoke. Last I heard he was moving to San Francisco and marrying his husband, happily.

 

Some parents do it for control. Some by accident/cluelessness, and some, as mentioned, by assumptions based on their own opinions. Being a parent, they're always right and there is no reason to apologise for being right.

My very first girlfriend committed suicide after her mother died of cancer - and her mother was one of the most outright evil people that I have ever met.

 

Katherine had come out as a Lesbian in high school - in the early eighties.

 

And her mother just kept lading scorn on her, even in her last will and testament.

 

All these decades later, and I am sill furious at her mother, and was very angry with Katherine for letting the woman destroy her.

 

The Auld Grump - my first girlfriend was also Molly (the Elder)'s first girlfriend.... It was weird, finding out that Molly was just as mad with Katherine as I was over her suicide.

 

 

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Hey all!

 

It's been some time since I posted what happened to my miniatures. I have recovered most of them except for the one I want the most. I've found a couple that are sorta similar but they are not the ONE. Don't you hate it when you check for a miniature that you know exactly what it looks like, dream of it in a campaign but you don't have it?

 

I've told my D&D group that I've gotten to the point that I'm about to put a price on it's head for someone to find it since I'm having no luck! I'm okay with finding things on different sites for my friends but I apparently can't find the things I want for myself without nearly losing my mind.

 

If anyone wants to see the picture of it again, I apologize for the tiny picture but its really one of two pictures I still have of it.

Cat.jpg.9486a2e09d2e0859ef41b6db422f8487.jpg

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On 6/10/2020 at 12:14 AM, Daewen98 said:

 

If anyone wants to see the picture of it again, I apologize for the tiny picture but its really one of two pictures I still have of it.

Cat.jpg.9486a2e09d2e0859ef41b6db422f8487.jpg

 

 Do you recall which company made it? It looks familiar but I can't place it off the top of my head...

 

 

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