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Troubleshooting for The Computer

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Legal Statement:

This game is being played using the Paranoia XP rules published by Mongoose Publishing. Copyright 1983, 1987, 2004 by Eric Goldberg & Greg Costikyan.

 

3 Days ago ....

 

In various sectors of Alpha Complex the following citizens,Jenn-R-FER-1, Todd-R-KSU-1, Blossom-R-DJX-1, Vinny-R-FMJ-1, Ethholy-R-ICE and Hank-R-ING-1, receive notification of a promotion from INFRARED clearance to RED clearance. Along with the raise in clearance the notification also states new quarters for each of them and a raise in wages to 1000 credits per month.

 

You have moved your few meagre possession into your new homes, and have drawn new red unifoms from stores. When you arrive at your quarters you find them to be small appartments each housing six citizens. The quarters consist of a central room with an eating area and some almost comfortable chairs, also two large vid screens adorn the walls. Beyond the central room is a kitchen with storage areas and microwave cookers. Running either side of the central area are two corridors each leading to 3 bedrooms. In each bedroom is a bed, table and chair, vid screen and a locker with a RED biometric lock. Above each door is a surveillance camera from which The Computer can check on your well being and overall happiness. Also at the end of corridor is a small bathroom, both have s shower, toilet and basin.

 

quarters.jpg

 

You quickly adjust to the new state of luxury in which you find yourself, you driving thought is though if this is what RED clearance is like then what of the further clearance levels.

 

2 Days ago ...

 

On returning from work to your appartment, you found a food package awaiting you. On opening it you found a small roundish object red and green in colour. A sticker on the orb reads Red Delicious - Eat Me. You enjoy the Red Delicious savouring it's flavour and texture, the small black bits inside it were slightly harder to eat and less pleasant but still confirm your opinion of life as a RED citizen. How best to gain further promotion you think, surely the easiest way will be to root out traitors and dangerous mutants.

 

Today

 

You each receive a communication.

 

Citizen, you have been selected to serve The Computer as a troubeshooter. You will receive notification informing you of your duties shortly. The remainder of today is a non-work day to allow you to celebrate your new duties.

 

Be Happy.

 

A few minutes later the vid screen in your room lights up informing you of a second message. You print this out.

 

Citizen, you have been deducted one days pay (50 Credits) for authorised non attendance of workplace. Have a nice day.

 

Be Happy

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Blossom-R-DJX-1 sits happily in the communal area of the quarters dutifully polishing his brand new Armor-Alls. A burly, muscular man, his bald head shines much like the armored overalls he's cleaning. On the viewscreen he's watching a popular compu-happy nature show "The Treason Hunter, with Steve-R-WIN-4,234"

 

"Crikey! Now have a look at this traitor...what a beauty! We're very close now..about 10 feet away, but I don't think he's seen me, or the camera crew, or the lighting crew, or the sound crew, or the caterer so I'm going to try and sneak up just a little closer. Treasonous whoppers like this are crafty. The average citizen wouldn't think that their Auto-Trash Munch-o-Matic™ could be a threat...but that's why we're here. Right, I've snuck right up to this brute and I'm just going to...reach...my hand in....and see if I can apprehend this traitor...."

 

>>STATIC<<

 

"JOIN US TOMORROW, HAPPY CITIZEN FOR ANOTHER EPISODE OF 'Treason Hunter, with Steve-R-WIN-4,235'. BE HAPPY."

 

"I love that show...." muses Blossom in a deep, but contented voice.

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"Wow," Todd-R-KSU-1 says to himself stopping his daily routine of getting ready for a day at work, "a whole day off!!! Being a RED level certainly has it's perks. The Computer IS truly GREAT!"

 

He then dresses a bit more casually than normal for the day and heads out to the common area where Blossom-R-DJX-1 is watching "The Treason Hunter".

 

"Good morning. I trust you are feeling happy today. The Computer bless you." Todd greets Blossom. "Man, that Steve-R-WIN-4,234 is a nut job. He's not quite as crazy as Steve-R-WIN-4,220, though. Now that was a crazy Treason Hunter."

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A man walked out of the shower, and wrapped a towel around him. As he walked into his room (Room 1)he dried himself off, then opened his locker.

 

A few moments later, Vinny-R-FMJ-1 stepped out from his room, neatly wearing his red jumpsuit. The man closed the door behind him, then made his way into the common room, nodding at the two man inside.

 

"Greetings." he said cheerfully, and sat down on one of the seat.

 

"Are we happy with our new home?" he asked with a smile.

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Busily cleaning his gear Hank takes little notice of his roomates. He barely hears the voice on the view screen as he spit shines his new boots. After he is satisfied with their appearance he inspects his uniform for lint and stray threads or creases that might have appeared since he last checked 30 minutes ago.

 

"Man, that Steve-R-WIN-4,234 is a nut job. He's not quite as crazy as Steve-R-WIN-4,220, though. Now that was a crazy Treason Hunter."

 

Upon hearing this Hank quickly jots something in his Personal digital companion and begins to clean his Laser pistol while talking softly

 

"This is my laser. There are many like it but this one was assigned to me. Without me, my laser is useless. Without the computer I am useless. I must fire my laser true. I must shoot straighter than the communists, who are trying to kill me. I must shoot them before they shoot me. I will. Before the computer I swear this creed: my laser and myself are defenders of this complex, we are the killers of the communists. So be it, until there is no more. May the computer be praised."

 

After Hank is satisfied with the cleaning he holsters it but twirling it around his finger. Afterwards he neat puts away all the cleaning supplies.

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Vinny watched the TV a bit, then stood up.

 

"I'm hungry, I'm getting something to eat..." he said cheerfully, then walked into the kitchen.

 

A few moments later, he reappeared with a knive, and utensils wrapped in a napkin. He was shaking his head.

 

"Darn it! There's no food in the kitchen. I'm gonna be eating in my room, if anyone needs me." he said, then walked back into his bedroom.

 

As Vinny got back, he placed the napkin on his desk, then opened his locker. He pulled out a sack of REDimeals, and sat down on his table. Using the knife, he ripped the sack open, then began eating his meal. After a few moments, he dropped the fork. The utensil fell with a clink as it hit the metal floor under the desk. Vinny grumbled, then squatted down, knife in hand.

 

Free from the security camera's prying view, Vinny stabbed the knife into the side of the bed, and tore a small, almost invisible, gash into the fabric.

 

He picked up the fork, then sat back down on his chair and continued eating.

 

That should do it...

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“Shake your groove thing, shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah...” the music played as Etholy-R-ICE got out of the shower. He looked around his new room and smiled widely.

 

“HellllOOOOoooo!” he greeted the universe in general.

 

SQUEAK? His newly acquired mouse-bot inquired.

 

“Show ‘em how we do it now...”

 

He pressed the button next to his bed and the vintage disco ball on the ceiling started to spin its dazzling lights.

 

“We’re bumpin’ booties havin’ us a ball, y’all...”

 

With the towel around his waist, Etholy-R-ICE danced toward the big mirror(the kind surrounded by light bulbs) and checked his enormous afro.

 

“Damn you look gooooood brotha!” he said.

 

“Let show the world we can dance...”

 

A few minutes later, Etholy strutted into the dinning room and greeted everyone present.

 

”Yo yo yo y’all!” he said cheerfully then stood in the doorway for a few seconds to strike a pose. The little mechanical mouse on his shoulder mimicked its master with its tiny arms crossed in a cool looking-stance.

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Hank R ING 1 gets up from the common area and enters his room. He looks around briefly and closes the door. Hank walks over to the vid screen and logs in. "Oh most wise computer I wish to report two acts of....."

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Suddenly the end credits of The Treason Hunter are interupted as a large digitised eye fills the screen. "Citizen Etholy-R-ICE please report to the vid-screen in your room." Then the eye disappears as the normal scheduled program returns to the screen.

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"At once your eternally cool and very fly computer boss!" Etholy-R-ICE said cheerfully then strutted toward his room where he turned on the vid-screen.

 

"Reporting in sa!"

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Vinny finished his dinner, and tossed them down into the trash chutes under his vid screen.

 

He walked over to his footlocker, and opened it. After checking that the camera was pointed somewhere else, he picked up a rectangular package, and slipped it into his pocket. Wrapped inside that grey safety wrapping, was a laser barrel marked with a yellow stripe.

 

Then, Vinny picked up his dual lasers, and walked over to his desk. He twirled one, then the other. He smiled, then did it again. However, his finger tripped on purpose, and it dropped under the bed.

 

"Goddarn it!" Vinny said, then scooched down to pick it up. He reached into his pocket, took out the package, and slid it into the gash in the bed. After smoothing out the hole so it looked less obvious that it was there, he picked up his pistol, and tossed it into his footlocker.

 

As he was walking out of his room towards the communal area, he saw a guy with huge curly hair go into another room down the hall.

 

Holy crap, that's the biggest damn hair I've ever seen!

 

For some reason, terms like "Froe'", or "J-Curls" came to mind...

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"Citizen Etholy-R-ICE sensors have detected an unknown object in your room. Please explain it's presence and purpose."

"Sa, all my belongings have but one purpose: to spread happiness in the criiiiibbbb" he said in an terminally happy voice.

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The message waiting symbol appears on the living room and bedroom vid-screens, as people access the message in their various locations you read the following.

 

Citizens of appartment 3468-R-GNN, Hank-R-ING-1 has been assigned the duty of Hygene Officer for appartment 3468-R-GNN. Have a nice day.

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In Etholy's room the conversation continues. "Citizen due to increased power usage of item you will be charged 2 credits per day. An inspection will be performed by Technical Services to confirm safety of item. Thank you for your assistance." The screen goes dead.

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